A young lady says to a salesman, "I need some batteries for my vibrator."
He motions with his finger, "Come this way..."
She says, "If I could come that way I wouldn't need a fucking vibrator."
An Indian goes into a fancy restaurant and the Maitre'd asks the Indian, "Do you have a reservation?"
Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater
Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.
Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect
that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
An Irish bloke goes to the doctor:
"Dactor, it's me ahrse. I"d loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot".
So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.
"Incredible" he says, "there is a £20 note lodged up here."
Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a £10note appears.
"This is amazing!" exclaims the Doctor. "What do you want me to do?"
"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out man!" shrieks the patient.
The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and
another ...and another ... etc.... Finally the last note comes out
and no more appear.
"Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter, how moch is dare den?"
The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "£1,990 exactly"
"Ah, dat'd be roit. I knew I wasn't feeling two grand"