JOTD

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Someone once told me that "Australians" are the most evenly balanced peoples on the planet because -

they have a Chip on both shoulders - ouch :lol:

Yes I'd be one :D Australian that is.
 
betterlatethannever said:
How many physiologists does it take to change a light bulb -

depends because the light bulb has got to want to change :lol:
Click to expand...


How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two.

One to change the bulb and the other to hold the penis, I mean the ladder.
 
A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. "Oh My God - Hurry! Grab your clothes," she yelled to her lover. "And jump out the window. My husband's home early!"

"I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets. "It's raining out there!"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems!"

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon.

He continued running along beside the others. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to "blend in" as best he could, which wasn't very good at all.

After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.
"Oh yes" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free having the air blow over all your skin while you're running."

Another runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying your clothes under your arm?"
"Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"
"Only when it's raining."
 
A husband and wife along with their faithful dog every weekend for the 6 years of their marriage were up at 5am to go hunting.
One Saturday when he nudged his wife to get up to go hunting.
She yells "Get stuffed I'm not going hunting this weekend"
He replies "Well if thats the case you have to give me a bj or take one in butt on my return" assuming she would sooner get up and come with him and the dog.
She replies "Fine, whatever, I will give you a bj, I don't care, I'm not going."
On his return he finds her in the kitchen and reminds her of the agreement.
She begrudgingly gets to it but immediately spits it out and exclaims "Ewww, it tastes like crap"
He shrugs and says "Yeah, well the dog didn't want to go either."
 
A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop.

Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.

Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering she asks the sales clerk,

"Dooo youuuu have dilllldooos?"

The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies, "Yes we do have dildo's.

Actually we carry many different models."

The old woman then asks: "Doooo youuuu carrryy aaa pppinkk onnee, tttenn inchessss lllong
aaandd aabboutt ttwoo inchesss ththiickk...aaand rrunns by bbaatteries ?"

The clerk responds, "Yes we do."

"Dddooo yyoouu kknnnooww hhhoww ttooo ttturrrnn iittt offff?"
 
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