JOTD

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Murphy's' old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come.

He brought her to the doctor who began to deliver the baby.

She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said.
'Hey, Murph! You just had you a son,!

'Ain't dat grand, !!'
Murphy got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said,
'Hold on! We ain't finished yet, !'

The doctor then delivered a little girl.

He said,
'Hey, Murph! You got you a daughter, !!!! She is a pretty lil ting, too....'

Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said,
'Hold on, we aint got done yet, !'

The doctor then delivered another boy and said,
'Murph, you just had yourself another boy, !'

Murphy said to the doctor,
'Doc, what caused all of dem babies,?'

The doctor said,
'You never know Murph, it was probably something that happened during conception.'

Murphy said,
'Ah yeah, during conception.'

When Murph and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said,

'Mama, you remember dat night that we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil.'

She said, 'Yeah, I remember dat night...'

Murph said,
'I'll tell you, .....it's a good ting we didn't use WD-40.
 
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Source: Looking Forward
 
You know you're getting old when you stop referring to your knees as "left' & "right" and start referring to them as "the good one" and "the bad one"!
 
A woman driving along at speed passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk & asked, 'What's your hurry?' She replied, 'I'm late for work.' 'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?' 'I'm a Rectum Stretcher,' she responded. The cop stammered, 'A what?............ 'A Rectum Stretcher!' 'And just what does a rectum stretcher do?' 'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger in the rectum, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet' 'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot arsehole?' he asked 'You give him a radar gun & park him behind a bridge...'
 
This is more of an informational / educational video, but I know it's tough for ladies here to attract their stacker soulmate, so here is Rebecca Larue on Saturday Night Live demonstrating how to subtly flirt. Guys could probably use this too in the right situations.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwfVaehcdfE[/youtube]
 
When I was a kid I could go into the corner store with $2 and come out with 2 cokes, 3 freddos and a magazine.

Nowadays, CCTV everywhere.
 
Facebook (no irony) comment I saw today:

Perth is twice Melbourne's temperature today. How is that fair?
 
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