JOTD

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Lying about your age

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm, and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast.

At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?'

Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!'

They are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?'

'I lied about my age,' Bob replies.

'What, did you tell her you were only 50?'

Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'
 
The game of choice for unemployed people or maintenance level workers is basketball.

The game of choice for frontline workers is football.

The game of choice for middle management is tennis.

The game of choice for CEOs and executives is golf.

Conclusion: The higher up on the corporate ladder you are, the smaller your balls are.
 
I used to get very depressed when I got home from work and sat down to watch the seven o'clock news and the current affairs programs.

Then I discovered the History Channel and I'm happy.

I get the news without the daily stress.
 
Agree..I was rooting for William the conquerer till I realised he was a frenchie and messed with all our fair saxon maidens

Then they went on to bugger up the new world...where will it all end ? :D
 
2478_chuck_norris.png





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spannermonkey said:
:rolleyes:

Claims police are experts at estimating moving cars' speed dismissed as 'rubbish'
Read more at http://www.9news.com.au/national/20...peed-dismissed-as-rubbish#CA3Qyj17YHHLsS1U.99
Click to expand...


From the story:

"This is included as a part of the training received by potential highway patrol officers. Any LIDAR or radar check that is done has to be reinforced with a valid speed estimation.
Read more at http://www.9news.com.au/national/20...peed-dismissed-as-rubbish#ZtYW31fRSCyCz6db.99
Click to expand...

So if RADAR and LIDAR have to be "reinforced by a valid speed estimation" why doesn't a "speed estimation" have to be backed up by RADAR or LIDAR?
 
Chuck Norris bit off his own umbilical chord and drowned the priest who tried to baptise him.
 
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Stephen Hawking Interview

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8y5EXFMD4s[/youtube]
 
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch

On a beautiful summer's day, two American tourists were driving through Wales.

At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch, they stopped for lunch.

One of the tourists asked the waitress, 'Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?'

The girl leaned over and slowly said, 'Burrr gurrr king'.
 
to the pure, all things are pure, is what the ancient script tells me. and when I write, lol, it means laugh out loud. Satan can take a hike if he think he owns that acronym.
 
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