JOTD
- Thread starter DanielM
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Q : Why do they give old men in nursing homes Viagra?
A : So they don't roll out of bed at night.
A : So they don't roll out of bed at night.
:A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up..'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up..'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
Source:
**Chuck the rooster**
A farmer decided he wanted to go to town and see a movie.
The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on you shoulder?"
The old farmer said that's my pet rooster Chuck. "Wherever go, chuck goes."
"I'm sorry sir," said the ticker agent. "We can't allow animals in the theater."
The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed Chuck down his overalls. Then he returned to the booth, bought a ticket, and entered the theater.
He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.
The movie started and the rooster began to squirm The old farmer unbuttoned his fly so Chuck could stick his head out and watch the movie.
"Marge" whispered Mildred.
"What?" said Marge.
"I think the guy next to me is a pervert."
"What makes you think so?" Asked Marge.
"He undid his pants and he has his thing out", whispered Mildred.
"Well, don't worry about it", said Marge. "At our age we've seen 'em all."
"I thought so too", said Mildred, "But this one's eatin' my popcorn!"
A farmer decided he wanted to go to town and see a movie.
The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on you shoulder?"
The old farmer said that's my pet rooster Chuck. "Wherever go, chuck goes."
"I'm sorry sir," said the ticker agent. "We can't allow animals in the theater."
The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed Chuck down his overalls. Then he returned to the booth, bought a ticket, and entered the theater.
He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.
The movie started and the rooster began to squirm The old farmer unbuttoned his fly so Chuck could stick his head out and watch the movie.
"Marge" whispered Mildred.
"What?" said Marge.
"I think the guy next to me is a pervert."
"What makes you think so?" Asked Marge.
"He undid his pants and he has his thing out", whispered Mildred.
"Well, don't worry about it", said Marge. "At our age we've seen 'em all."
"I thought so too", said Mildred, "But this one's eatin' my popcorn!"
Dominating women
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.
God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."
With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 kilometers long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.
God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created, you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only,one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?" And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.
God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."
With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 kilometers long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.
God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created, you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only,one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?" And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
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