JOTD
- Thread starter DanielM
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where is your glass ??
bron.suchecki
Well-Known Member
Hey, if there is a joke of the day, it is gold:silver ratio going to 1:1
JOHNLGALT
Well-Known Member
An Englishman is taking a load of monkeys to the zoo when his van breaks down. He sees Paddy coming along the road with an empty van so he stops him and says, I will give you fifty quid if you take these monkeys to the zoo. Paddy agrees and off he goes with the van load of monkeys.
The Englishman gets his van fixed and is travelling along the road when he sees Paddy on the opposite side driving back with the monkeys, when the Englishman catches up with Paddy he says to him I thought I gave you fifty quid to take the monkeys to the zoo, Paddy says I did but we had a few bob left over so I thought I would take then to the cinema now
The Englishman gets his van fixed and is travelling along the road when he sees Paddy on the opposite side driving back with the monkeys, when the Englishman catches up with Paddy he says to him I thought I gave you fifty quid to take the monkeys to the zoo, Paddy says I did but we had a few bob left over so I thought I would take then to the cinema now
This is only sent to those who are believed to have the mental capacity to comprehend the meaning of these statements.
It requires a real deep thinker to grasp these most important facts of life.
9 Points to Ponder
Number 9 - Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
Number 8 - Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 7 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 6 - Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes make him a sandwich.
Number 5 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
Number 4 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
Number 3 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 2 - In the 60's, people took drugs to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take antidepressants to make it normal.
Number 1 - Life is like a jar of mirchi chutney. What you enjoy today might burn your ass tomorrow.
...and as someone recently said to me: Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last that long!!!
❤and enjoy life with to the finishing line.
It requires a real deep thinker to grasp these most important facts of life.
9 Points to Ponder
Number 9 - Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
Number 8 - Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 7 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 6 - Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes make him a sandwich.
Number 5 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
Number 4 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
Number 3 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 2 - In the 60's, people took drugs to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take antidepressants to make it normal.
Number 1 - Life is like a jar of mirchi chutney. What you enjoy today might burn your ass tomorrow.
...and as someone recently said to me: Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last that long!!!
❤and enjoy life with to the finishing line.
JOHNLGALT
Well-Known Member
Number 47
Well-Known Member
It was the Boogeyman
Welfare Office-Pick up Check
A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth & a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.
He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job, I don't like taking advantage of the System, getting something for nothing."
The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2018 Mercedes-Benz CL & he will supply all of your clothes."
"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward but you will also have to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her 20's and has a strong sex drive.
The guy, wide-eyed, said,"You're bullshittin' me???"
The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . you started it."
A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth & a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.
He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job, I don't like taking advantage of the System, getting something for nothing."
The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2018 Mercedes-Benz CL & he will supply all of your clothes."
"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward but you will also have to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her 20's and has a strong sex drive.
The guy, wide-eyed, said,"You're bullshittin' me???"
The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . you started it."
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