JOTD

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the River Thames.


The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how
You can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age,
We were the same size as kids. I just don't get it.'

'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'

'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.

'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'

'Down at the car park by the Houses of Parliament.'

'Same here. Hmm....How do you catch them?'

'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock
The car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of
Them and eat 'em!'

'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not
Getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit
Out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an arsehole and a briefcase.

 

Ken and Kath were both patients in a mental hospital..

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ken suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Kath promptly jumped in to save him.

She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Kath's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Kath the news she said: 'Kath, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.
I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is that Ken hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Kath replied

..'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry'

Head Nurse still recovering!!!

 

To the person who stole Microsoft Office. I will find you!
You have my word.

 

And I expect you will Excel at getting Access to them with that Outlook.

 

^that the USA has gold. now that's funny

 

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=420686348371880

 

according to Trump, the dig out area is a hole, "shit hole"
so the yellow is referring to a big pile of shit burring the continents, he must be referring to the big pile of debt, the shit that were dig out of the hole

 

First a joke from Nazi Germany. A man returns home after a spell in a concentration camp, this is before the war so it was possible and tells a neighbour about what happened.

“Oh it was great, we had a fabulous soup for lunch, we played sports in the afternoons. At night there was a movie after an excellent dinner .” he says

The nieghbour looks at him sceptically and says “But Hans was taken to the same camp and he says that it was aweful”

The man looks at the neighbour and says”I know and they just taken Hans away again.”

Now a joke from Stalin’s Russia. On a train carrying prisoners to the Gulag one man turns to another and asks what he was in for.

“Oh. I slept in” the man replies.

“You slept in? I didn’t know that was a crime!”

“Well what happened was me and a friend got drunk one night and started telling political jokes before falling asleep. In the morning, he woke up first and informed on me to the Secret Police”

 

1964 Ad for WD40

 

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10157424008546840

 

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=2854580564687457