JOTD

A stockman named Bruce was overseeing his herd on the stock route in Western Queensland when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the stockman, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

Bruce looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ...Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the stockman and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bruce. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then Bruce says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Senator from Canberra", says Bruce.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the stockman. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog."

 

I thought about changing my surname to “From Head Office”.

Imagine calling Vodafone when your phone has a problem and saying “This is Shaddam From Head Office, I need my phone sorted out”.

Or walking up to the ticket counter at the airport - “hello, I am Shaddam From Head Office, could you give me an upgrade?”

 

As I was curious about this, I looked it up. It's from an ad for heart medicine.

 

shes a real cutie. emily gets what emily wants

 

Another variation-

If I owned a race horse I would call it 'My Face'.
Just so I can hear all the dolled up pretty girls cheer, "come on my face!".

 

glow in the dark skin

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1066605980161849