JOTD

Sheep disrupt the work of US missile defences in Romania

http://www.pravdareport.com/news/world/europe/16-01-2018/139716-sheep_romania-0/

A representative for the local administration tried to explain to US military officials that the sheep are not like people - "they do not follow the rules."
The military claimed that the sheep cause problems by alarming security systems. The sheep go to places with active security sensors, touch fences and set off alarm systems.

The military asked the owner of the flock to find another pasture for the animals, but the farmer refused by claiming that the animals had been grazing in the area long before the Americans came there.

 

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=2420811431294286

 

jumping over their stacks of bitcoins

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=456466931422466

 

There used to be a house in St.kilda where you could buy pot anytime of the day
in the 80's , it was called
Cannabis
United
National
Trust
And they had medallions as well

 

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10156391236289063

 

Ferrari hires Australian Pit Crew!!



This surprise announcement follows Ferrari's decision last month to take advantage of the Australian Government's ‘Work for the Dole’ Scheme by hiring unemployed Aboriginal youths from Moree for their Formula 1 pit crew.


The decision to hire the youths followed a recent ABC television documentary showing how Aboriginal youths were able to remove a set of car wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's regular pit crew can only do this in 4 seconds with the aid of millions of dollars in high tech gear.


As most races are won and lost in the pits, Ferrari was confident the hiring of the Aboriginal youths would give Ferrari a decided advantage over every other F1 team.


However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for during the F1 race on Sunday when, during the first pit stop, the Aboriginal crew changed all four wheels in under 4 seconds but within 32 seconds had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the McLaren team for 10 cases of Fosters, a Holden Ute and a quick look at Lewis Hamilton’s girlfriend in the shower.

 

The Defective Parrot.

A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.
It doesn't have any feet or legs.

The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?'

The parrot says, 'I was born this way.

I'm a defective parrot.'

'Holy crap,' the guy replies.
'You actually understood and answered me. !'

'I got every word,' says the parrot.

'I happen to be a highly intelligent, and a thoroughly educated bird'

'Oh yeah?' the guy asks.
'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet.?'

'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar, like a little hook.

You can't see it, because of my feathers.'

'Wow,' says the guy.

'You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you.?'

'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic, politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy.

I'm especially good at ornithology.

You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.'

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag.

'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'

'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me, cause I don't have any feet.

You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer.!'

The guy offers $20, and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by.
The parrot is sensational.

He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful.

The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing.

'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the post man.'

'What are you talking about,?' asks the guy.

'When he delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door, in a sheer black nightie.'

'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously.

'THEN what happened?'

'Well, he came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.

'NO!' he exclaims, 'and she let him.?'

'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.'

Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED.?'

DUNNO?!? I got an erection, and fell off my perch.!'

 

https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/argRVwK_460sv.mp4

privacy please

 

NEW WORDS.

*Errorist*: Someone who repeatedly makes mistakes.

*Askhole*: A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you advised.

*Destinesia*: When you get to where you were intending to go, you forget why you were going there in the first place. Not to be confused with being stoned.

*Cellfish*: Those who continue to talk on their cell phone, oblivious to the effect on others around them.

*Textpectation*: The anticipation one feels when waiting for a response to a text message.

And the best...

*Deja poo*: The feeling that the same shit keeps happening