JOTD

Status
Not open for further replies.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was fleeing the scene of the crime.
14335_chicken.jpg
 
BILL SHORTEN policy details are a bit vague.
But don't you worry.... he has a plan.
Bill was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young
pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any
rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so Bill bought some tiny bells and attached them to
his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a
distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and
fill out his efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

Bill's favorite rooster, Old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this one
morning he noticed that Old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went
to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets,
bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for
cover.

To Bill's amazement, Old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't
ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

Bill was so proud of Old Butch, that he entered him in the County Fair, and
Old Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges. The judges not only awarded Old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly Old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician
could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully in the next election.... you can't always hear the bells.
 
Best excuse by a female employee!

True story....

The head of Human Resources at a very large bank, says that the best excuse for absenteeism that he had ever received in his career of almost 22 years, was from a female Indian employee at their bank's headquarters in Mumbai, India.

He says when the lady, was questioned on why she remained absent the previous day, she simply replied....

"But sir, I had no option. My husband was at home on casual leave yesterday. By mistake, he took pills from the wrong bottle in our medicine cabinet and ended up consuming an over-dose of Viagra! Now tell me Sir, how could I have left him all alone at home with the house-maid?"
 
Aurora et luna said:
True story....

..."But sir, I had no option. My husband was at home on casual leave yesterday. By mistake, he took pills from the wrong bottle in our medicine cabinet and ended up consuming an over-dose of Viagra! Now tell me Sir, how could I have left him all alone at home with the house-maid?"
Click to expand...
The wife, the maid, and a bottle Viagra. I may have seen a video or two on that. ;)

RwhvlhY.jpg
 
1915_13244852_1173718302659313_845297151985561884_n.jpg


I have been watching the way this lady lock the safe, it is outside shop houses

the golden chains is plastic, the padlock is as safe as the nuclear control storage door :)

so far so safe, no one damage it, maybe the surrounding are is full of cameras :lol:
 
Today's riddle for seniors... Here is the situation:

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is a sharp drop-off.
On your left side is an elephant travelling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo.
What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Scroll down










Get off the merry-go-round and go home, you silly old bugger!
 
News.com.au

YOUR average tradie became a multi-millionaire all due to another banking glitch.

Melbourne man Matthew Pearce checked his bank account and saw he had a credit of more than $123 million.

"It was just there overnight," he told news.com.au.

"I was shocked, you see something like that and think it's a pretty big mistake.

"I thought about going to Mexico but I thought I better not I got told it's fraud if you touch it so I put it in the bank's hands."

Mr Pearce said it took the Commonwealth Bank two weeks to fix the error.

The $123,456,789.01 appeared in a separate savings account, so he was still able to access his own money.

"I've heard of a glitch happening here and there for a couple of million dollars, but never $100 million dollars," he said.

Mr Pearce said he was able to transfer the money and BPAY it through the Commonwealth Bank phone app.

It's understood the banking glitch is very rare and no funds were actually available and if Mr Pearce attempted to move the money it wouldn't have worked.

While this glitch happened to Mr Pearce late last year, he decided to tell of his temporary fortune following a number of other glitches in the past couple of months.

Just yesterday it was reported a man overdrew his account by more than $2 million after punching in the wrong amount when paying a Telstra bill.

Calum Mawson received a bill for $225 but then received a confirmation email from his phone provider saying it got his payment of $2,250,623.00.

"When I got the email I called customer service and I was told not to worry as the payment would not go through," he told news.com.au.

Mr Mawson was told by Telstra the payment would bounce back, but when he went to pay for an Uber the next day, he was rejected for insufficient funds and his account was overdrawn.

His account balance was not restored for three days.
Click to expand...


Keep stacking people.
 
Now for a joke with a punchline.

A 3 months pregnant lady falls into a coma. 6 months later she comes to and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl and they are both fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman:Oh no, not my brother he is an idiot, what did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well that isn't too bad what did he name the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.
 
JulieW said:
The men who live as dogs: 'We're just the same as any person on the high street'
Human pups like to live in packs, play with squeaky toys, eat from bowls and nuzzle their 'handlers'. Ahead of a new documentary, Spot, Bootbrush and Kaz open up about their community
Click to expand...

https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/ab09...12&fit=max&s=4d2b7bef9011ae4ceb21eb982ede5c52


Source: Spot at home with his former fiancee Rachel.

He probably shouldn't have called her his bitch.


https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-...fe-of-the-human-pups-the-men-who-live-as-dogs
Click to expand...

You can see the realization on her face now, for why he always liked to do it Doggy Style.. she doesn't look happy to be there at all :lol:
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top