JOTD

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A man came home from work and found his children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers
strewn around garden, The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog, walking in the door, he found ...an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall, In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.

As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel... She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked,

'What happened here today?'

She again smiled and answered,

'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?...

''Yes," was his incredulous reply..

She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.
 
While nothing will make me laugh as hard as a half oz of new silver seriously being valued at $1k, this did amuse me somewhat

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Bj-sQJW-Qo[/youtube]
 
A man walks into a crowded local bar brandishing a revolver yelling "Who's been screwing my wife?"

A voice from the back of the bar shouts back,

"You don't have enough ammo, mate!"
 
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Daddy , how was I born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you
Will need to find out anyway! Your Mum and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mum and we met at a cyber-cafe.. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

Scroll down...You'll love this ....

























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'You got Male!
 
I saw this song done in Melbourne and it's fabulous. All about the downloads!! Enjoy

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vb3xq9XcXgw[/youtube]
 
and this is a beauty as well. Things you find on youtube!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73RNAduXHs0[/youtube]
 
Spaghetti

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."

"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:
"Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without." "Send extra sauce."
 
Awesome!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUKMUZ4tlJg[/youtube]
 
For the Physics Aficionado's

"A Higgs Boson walks into a church. The Priest says, 'We don't allow Higgs Bosons in here.' The Higgs Boson says, 'But without me there is no mass.'"
 
Invitation Replies To A Scientist's Ball

Ampere was worried he wasn't current.
Audubon said he'd have to wing it.
Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
Darwin waited to see what evolved.
Descartes said he'd think about it.
Dr. Jekyll declined -- he hadn't been feeling himself lately.
Edison thought it would be illuminating.
Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.
Hawking tried to string enough time together to make space in his schedule.
Heisenberg was uncertain that he could make it.
Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency.
Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out.
Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now, must dash."
Newton planned to drop in.
Ohm resisted the idea.
Pavlov was drooling at the thought.
Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
Schrodinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he?
Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.
Volta was electrified, and Archimedes buoyant at the thought.
Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orwell could get a flight.
Max Planck said he was constantly receiving such things.
William Harvey accepted because he loved to circulate at parties.
Edward Jenner declined, saying a pox upon such gatherings.
Ernst Mach was so keen he arrived before anybody heard his door closing.
Sigmund Freud would come, but he would probably slip away at the first opportunity.
Bill Gates would come if he had a window in his diary.
Alfred Nobel thought the idea of a party of scientists was dynamite.
Nikola Tesla wasn't invited because all he did was coil up in the corner, saying he was feeling caged, although he sometimes sparked off some interesting discussions.
Thomas Newcomen was absolutely pumped at the thought.
Hippocrates took an oath that he would be there.
 
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