bloomst said:
Nah, no big deal, you get used to it
:lol:
What worries me even more is Greg Williams thanking nearly every post in which I have an input.
Hi greg - "waves"
At least greg has a Santy Hat on, unlike others :|
JOTD
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Nah, no big deal, you get used to it
:lol:
What worries me even more is Greg Williams thanking nearly every post in which I have an input.
Hi greg - "waves"
At least greg has a Santy Hat on, unlike others :|
G
Guest
Guest
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsC7xdVFWZQ[/youtube]
Here's a riddle Jules then.
A butcher wears white gumboots, not the 400mm variety, the ones that are only calf high - you know the type. He also wears a red PVC apron and a hairnet and a wedding ring of 14K gold on his left ring finger. What does he weigh?
A butcher wears white gumboots, not the 400mm variety, the ones that are only calf high - you know the type. He also wears a red PVC apron and a hairnet and a wedding ring of 14K gold on his left ring finger. What does he weigh?
Easy one hey?? :lol:
On a train from London to Manchester , an Australian was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.
"You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us.
"Look at me... I'm ME! I have Italian blood, Greek blood, a little Irish blood, and some Aborigine blood.. What do you say to that ??"
The Englishman replied, "Awfully sporting of your mother, old chap !!!"
"You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us.
"Look at me... I'm ME! I have Italian blood, Greek blood, a little Irish blood, and some Aborigine blood.. What do you say to that ??"
The Englishman replied, "Awfully sporting of your mother, old chap !!!"
On the same train from London to Manchester, just after WW2, an Australian soldier was allocated a seat in the same compartment with 2 British soldiers. They sat there for a while, no one saying a word.
As a custom in the British, you didn't speak until you addressed yourself.
One British soldier jumped to his feet, clicked his heels and said. Major Tom Jeffries, British 3rd Armoured division, Educated at Oxford, married with 2 children, both sons, both doctors, then he sat down.
The second British soldier jumped to his feet, clicked his heels and said, Major Bill Simington, British Marines, Educated at Cambridge, married with 2 children, both sons, both lawyers, then he too sat down.
At last the Australian struggled to his feet, gave a 2 finger salute and said, Private Smith,Australian Army, educated to grade 4 at Primary school, unmarried with 2 children, both sons, both Majors.
Regards Errol 43
As a custom in the British, you didn't speak until you addressed yourself.
One British soldier jumped to his feet, clicked his heels and said. Major Tom Jeffries, British 3rd Armoured division, Educated at Oxford, married with 2 children, both sons, both doctors, then he sat down.
The second British soldier jumped to his feet, clicked his heels and said, Major Bill Simington, British Marines, Educated at Cambridge, married with 2 children, both sons, both lawyers, then he too sat down.
At last the Australian struggled to his feet, gave a 2 finger salute and said, Private Smith,Australian Army, educated to grade 4 at Primary school, unmarried with 2 children, both sons, both Majors.
Regards Errol 43
One for shiney:
What's the difference between a Minarchist and an Anarchist?
About six months :lol:
What's the difference between a Minarchist and an Anarchist?
About six months :lol:
Curtain Rods
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on 500 gms of prawns, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten prawn shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked.
People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The cleaning help quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.
He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.........
And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!!
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on 500 gms of prawns, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten prawn shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked.
People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The cleaning help quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.
He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.........
And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!!
A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks
"How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?"
"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you."
The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey.
One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first."
The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey.
Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?"
"We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
"How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?"
"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you."
The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey.
One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first."
The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey.
Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?"
"We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!!
Classic!
Classic!
One day my Grandma was out, and my Grandpa was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.
Grandpa was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Grandma came home.
My Grandpa made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because (as he put it) it was 'just the cutest thing!'
Grandma waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Grandpa, and she watched him drink it up. Then she said, (as only a Grandma would know), "Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water, is the toilet?"
Grandpa was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Grandma came home.
My Grandpa made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because (as he put it) it was 'just the cutest thing!'
Grandma waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Grandpa, and she watched him drink it up. Then she said, (as only a Grandma would know), "Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water, is the toilet?"
Hitler gets trapped in Sea Ice
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03SWGkxt72A[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03SWGkxt72A[/youtube]
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