JOTD

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Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this.
Many Sydney folks heard this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney .

The DJs play a game called 'Mate Match'. The DJ calls someone at work
and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone.
If the contestant answers 'yes', he or she is then asked 3 random yet
highly personal questions.

The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner with(phone
number) for verification.

If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both
win the prize.

The Harbour City dropped to its knees with laughter and is possibly the
funniest thing you've heard yet .

Anyway, here's how it all went down:

DJ: 'Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'..?'

Contestant: (laughing) 'Yes, I have.'

DJ: 'Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if
you win. What is your name? First only please.'

Contestant: 'Brian.'

DJ: 'Brian, are you married or what?'

Brian: (laughing nervously) 'Yes, I am married.'

DJ: 'Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please.'

Brian: 'Sara.'

DJ: 'Is Sara at work, Brian?'

Brian: 'She is gonna kill me.'

DJ: 'Stay with me here, Brian..! Is she at work..?'

Brian: (laughing) 'Yes, she's at work.'

DJ: 'Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?'

Brian: 'About 8 o'clock this morning.'

DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.'

Brian: (laughing sheepishly) 'Well...'

DJ: 'Question #2 - How long did it last..?'

Brian: 'About 10 minutes.'

DJ: 'Wow..! You really want that trip, huh..? No one would ever have
said that if a trip wasn't at stake.'

Brian: 'Yeah, that trip sure would be nice.'

DJ: 'Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this
morning..?

Brian: (laughing hard) 'I, ummm, I, well...'

DJ: 'This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at..?'

Brian: 'Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us
for couple of weeks...'

DJ: 'Uh huh...'

Brian: '...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time.'

DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.'

Brian: 'On the kitchen table.'

DJ: 'Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred
times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's
work number and call her up.

You listen to this.'

[ 3 minutes of commercials follow. ]

DJ: 'Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?'

(Touch tones.....ringing....)

Clerk: 'Kinkos.'

DJ: 'Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?'

Clerk: 'This is she.'

DJ: 'Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and
I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now.'

Sarah: (laughing) 'A couple of hours?'

DJ: 'Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to
Give any..answers away or you'll lose.Sooooooo... Do you know the rules
of 'Mate Match'?'

Sarah: 'No.'

DJ: 'Good!'

Brian: (laughing)

Sarah: (laughing) 'Brian, what the hell are you up to?'

Brian: (laughing) 'Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be
completely honest..'

DJ: 'Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If
your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to
the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.

Sarah: (laughing) 'Yes.'

DJ: 'All right. When did you last have sex, Sarah?'

Sarah: 'Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work.'

DJ: 'What time?'

Sarah: 'Around 8 this morning.'

DJ: 'Very good. Next question. How long did it last?'

Sarah: '12, 15 minutes maybe.'

DJ: 'Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his
manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away
from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?'

Sarah: (laughing) 'Yes.'

DJ: 'Where did you have it?'

Sarah: 'OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?'

Brian: 'Just tell him, honey.'

DJ: 'What is bothering you so much, Sarah..?'

Sarah: 'Well...'

DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it..?

Sarah: 'Up the arse.....'

They had to call an ambulance for the DJ he thought he was going to have
a heart attack , he could not stop laughing.

Apparently there was an unusually high call out of the Sydney Police
just after this conversation , for minor traffic collisions.
 
How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?

None let her do the dishes in the dark.
 
A girl brings her boy friend home to meet her parents.

After dinner, her mother tells her father, a business tycoon, to find out about the young man. He invites the boy to his study for green tea.

"So what are your plans?" the father asks the boy.
"I am an religious scholar and want to marry your daughter" he replies.

"A scholar," the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"
"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.
"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."

"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"
"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the boy.

The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the boy insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "How did it go?"

The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is that he thinks I'm God."
 
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a McHappy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favourite chocolate, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what it was like being eight again?'

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you idiot!'
 
A video showing a group of bumbling cops trying to corral skateboarders at this month's "Broadway Bomb" event was sped up and posted on Youtube set to the theme song from the classic Benny Hill Show.
Click to expand...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cF8oA0zn7A[/youtube]
 
Golightly said:
How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?

None let her do the dishes in the dark.
Click to expand...



Why do men stay out of the kitchen?

The knives are too close.



Why do Muslim women walk 10 paces behind their husbands?

Landmines.
 
Instant Karma gonna get you.
Gonna know you right on the head.

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83709061.gif
 
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! Turn them! Hurry up! Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. Use the salt! USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'

The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'
 
Today, while in the park just taking in the world around me, I was alarmed to witness a large rotund man wailing on another man who appeared to be out for a run.

It was relentless and gruesome. The man being hit was screaming at his attacker in a way that seemed to be taunting him "come on! Hit me" but he was in no way fighting back. I looked on for what seemed like an eternity. Then, against my better judgment and pacifism, I finally intervened.

I initially tried yelling at the attacker to stop but this was to no avail.

Immediate action was needed. Noticing a large 2x4 in the bushes I grabbed at it and ran at the man screaming like a tribal war lord - Swing. Thwack. Thump. - He went down like a sack of shit. I stood over him fueled by my pulsating adrenaline and screamed with a shaky voice "NO! YOU STOP THAT". He looked up at me with a trickle of blood coming from his ear.

With a quiver in his voice he began to speak "he's... he's..." "SPIT IT OUT FATTY" I screamed. "He's my personal trainer"..
 
An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, Are you a real pilot?

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans.... Flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.


A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "Are you a real pilot?"

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian
 
This ones a bit of a follow-up to your clip Greg.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SdTMwneAig[/youtube]



:D
 
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