JOTD

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spannermonkey said:
secondcoming said:
How do you make a cat meow ???

You take it out of the freezer,and run it through a bansaw - Meooooow :lol:

SC
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:rolleyes:
wrong way round
How do you make a "DOG" meow
You take it out of the freezer,and run it through a bansaw

how do you make a cat "WOOF"
Throw petrol on it & throw a match on it :(
Click to expand...
:lol: Aah, the classics from the school playground. Reminds me of:
Q: What sound does a puppy in a blender make?
A: <Too twisted to be posted on here>
 
bordsilver said:
spannermonkey said:
secondcoming said:
How do you make a cat meow ???

You take it out of the freezer,and run it through a bansaw - Meooooow :lol:

SC
Click to expand...
:rolleyes:
wrong way round
How do you make a "DOG" meow
You take it out of the freezer,and run it through a bansaw

how do you make a cat "WOOF"
Throw petrol on it & throw a match on it :(
Click to expand...
:lol: Aah, the classics from the school playground. Reminds me of:
Q: What sound does a puppy in a blender make?
A: <Too twisted to be posted on here>
Click to expand...

Even more twisted.
Q: What gets smaller and smaller and redder and redder?
A: Much to twisted to post here.
 
LTEK4NZ said:
bordsilver said:
spannermonkey said:
:rolleyes:
wrong way round
How do you make a "DOG" meow
You take it out of the freezer,and run it through a bansaw

how do you make a cat "WOOF"
Throw petrol on it & throw a match on it :(
Click to expand...
:lol: Aah, the classics from the school playground. Reminds me of:
Q: What sound does a puppy in a blender make?
A: <Too twisted to be posted on here>
Click to expand...

Even more twisted.
Q: What gets smaller and smaller and redder and redder?
A: Much to twisted to post here.
Click to expand...
:lol: Memory banks are in overdrive leaving me giggling crazily at my desk at many more really bad ones.
 
In a Chinese restaurant, and a duck comes up with a red rose and says: "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds." ......

"Waiter, I asked for AROMATIC duck."
 
My Thai girlfriend says that a small penis is not a problem in a relationship.

I just wish she didn't have one.
 
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.

One student said to his friend:"I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."

The other student says:"No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."

Since they couldn't agree, they decided to ask the old man.

They approached him and one of the students said to him,"We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk. But we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"

The old man said,"I'll tell you. But first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."

The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

So they asked him, "Well, old-timer, what do you have?"

The old man said, "I thought it was WIND - but I was wrong, too!"
 
secondcoming said:
Why do Italian men have moustaches ??

Because they want to look like their mother :lol:

SC
Click to expand...

Why do gay men have moustaches??

To hide the stretch marks! :D
 
s_35_964__gervaistweet.jpg
 
Romantic first line


THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes .......
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
 
A lawyer defending a man in New York accused of burglary tried this creative defence:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles Your Honour.

His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb?"

"Well put," the judge replied.
"Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to 5 year's imprisonment!
He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled.

With his lawyer's assistance.. he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

How cool is that?
 
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