JOTD
- Thread starter DanielM
- Start date
- Status
We were all 'Home Schooled' whether we realised it at the time or not...
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that mark will come out of the carpet!"
My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My father taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why!
My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me!"
My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident!"
My father taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about!"
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone!"
My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it!"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"
My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!"
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home!"
My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it from your father when he gets home!"
My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way!"
My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on! Don't you think I know when you are cold?"
My father taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me!"
My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up!"
My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father!"
My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you! Do you think you were born in a tent?"
My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand!"
My father taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that mark will come out of the carpet!"
My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My father taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why!
My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me!"
My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident!"
My father taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about!"
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone!"
My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it!"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"
My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!"
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home!"
My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it from your father when he gets home!"
My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way!"
My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on! Don't you think I know when you are cold?"
My father taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me!"
My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up!"
My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father!"
My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you! Do you think you were born in a tent?"
My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand!"
My father taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."
The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job."
The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for a job."
The American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. A few months ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President.
Now, the whole country is looking for a job!"
The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job."
The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for a job."
The American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. A few months ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President.
Now, the whole country is looking for a job!"
Sterlo Breaks Out The Jack Gibson Fur Coat As Parramatta Technically Win The 2020 NRL Premiership
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
While many around the country are currently coming to terms with the crushing news that the NRL season is more than likely done, Parramatta fans are quietly revelling in the news.
None more so, than Blue and Gold icon Peter Sterling, who has today busted out the fur coat on the way to pick up some essential food and sanitary items.
Paying tribute to the great Jack Gibson who steered the once might Eels to three straight premierships from 1981-1983, Sterlo downed the iconic coat to celebrate their first title since 1986.
This comes as Parramatta finish the season on 4 points, equal with the Newcastle Knights, Canberra Raiders, Melbourne Storm, Brisbane Broncos and Penrith Panthers.
However, the boys from Sydney’s aspiring second CBD have a greater for and against than the other teams and are happy to claim the win on a technicality.
“Ah fucking whatever,” said Sterlo today to questions about the legitimacy of the 2020 Premiership.
“Premierships are premierships. More legitimate than the Roosters one anyway,” he laughed.
It’s not known when the Eels will host their Mad Monday and parade given the current lockdown restrictions.
The Wests Tigers also finished 9th in what can only be described as a quintessential Tigers result, and the Titans unsurprisingly finished with the wooden spoon.
More to come.
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
While many around the country are currently coming to terms with the crushing news that the NRL season is more than likely done, Parramatta fans are quietly revelling in the news.
None more so, than Blue and Gold icon Peter Sterling, who has today busted out the fur coat on the way to pick up some essential food and sanitary items.
Paying tribute to the great Jack Gibson who steered the once might Eels to three straight premierships from 1981-1983, Sterlo downed the iconic coat to celebrate their first title since 1986.
This comes as Parramatta finish the season on 4 points, equal with the Newcastle Knights, Canberra Raiders, Melbourne Storm, Brisbane Broncos and Penrith Panthers.
However, the boys from Sydney’s aspiring second CBD have a greater for and against than the other teams and are happy to claim the win on a technicality.
“Ah fucking whatever,” said Sterlo today to questions about the legitimacy of the 2020 Premiership.
“Premierships are premierships. More legitimate than the Roosters one anyway,” he laughed.
It’s not known when the Eels will host their Mad Monday and parade given the current lockdown restrictions.
The Wests Tigers also finished 9th in what can only be described as a quintessential Tigers result, and the Titans unsurprisingly finished with the wooden spoon.
More to come.
Thank you ,You guys are the best!
Your Jokes Of The Day have given my wife and I a huge belly laugh nearly everyday. Thanks for doing what you do and that's no joke.
Cheers for having a great sense of humour and sharing.
Fans
Air conditioners
And all other accessories
Autographs after the show
- Status