JOTD
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SENIOR DATING… the old ones are the best!
Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking…
Dorothy:
"That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."
Edna:
"Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers!
Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car... a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.
Then he takes me out for dinner... a marvellous dinner... lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks.
Then we go see a show.
Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Then completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress
and has his way with me two times!"
Dorothy:
"Goodness gracious!... so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"
Edna:
"No, no, no... I'm just saying, wear an old dress.
Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking…
Dorothy:
"That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."
Edna:
"Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers!
Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car... a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.
Then he takes me out for dinner... a marvellous dinner... lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks.
Then we go see a show.
Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Then completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress
and has his way with me two times!"
Dorothy:
"Goodness gracious!... so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"
Edna:
"No, no, no... I'm just saying, wear an old dress.
A group of Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square, Rome.
The first Catholic man tells his friends,
“My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father”.
The second Catholic man chirps,
“My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him “Your Lordship”
The third Catholic gent says,
“My son is an Archbishop. When he walks into a room people call him “Your Grace”
The fourth Catholic gent says,
“My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says “Your Eminence”.”
The fifth Catholic man says very proudly,
“My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him “Your Holiness”.”
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the five men gave her a subtle, “Well…?”
She proudly replies, “I have a daughter,
Slim,
Tall,
Very very beautiful,
38D breast,
24″ waist and
34” hips.
When she walks into a room, people say,
“My God!
The first Catholic man tells his friends,
“My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father”.
The second Catholic man chirps,
“My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him “Your Lordship”
The third Catholic gent says,
“My son is an Archbishop. When he walks into a room people call him “Your Grace”
The fourth Catholic gent says,
“My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says “Your Eminence”.”
The fifth Catholic man says very proudly,
“My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him “Your Holiness”.”
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the five men gave her a subtle, “Well…?”
She proudly replies, “I have a daughter,
Slim,
Tall,
Very very beautiful,
38D breast,
24″ waist and
34” hips.
When she walks into a room, people say,
“My God!
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a beer.
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.
The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver.
Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"
"Nothing, but you left your injun runnin!"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.
The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver.
Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"
"Nothing, but you left your injun runnin!"
As we know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers.
Yesterday, I had a problem, so I called Georgie , the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.
Georgie clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Georgie grinned ..'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?
'No,' I replied.
'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down:
ID10T
I used to like Georgie , the little shithead.
Yesterday, I had a problem, so I called Georgie , the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.
Georgie clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Georgie grinned ..'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?
'No,' I replied.
'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down:
ID10T
I used to like Georgie , the little shithead.
Ian Gillman
Active Member
There is also PICNIC - Problem In Chair Not In Computer.
Jim4silver
Well-Known Member
Some Rodney Dangerfield:
It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass!
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.
A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over. There’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home!
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette.
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”
My mother, she never breastfed me. She told me she liked me as a friend.
It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass!
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.
A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over. There’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home!
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette.
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”
My mother, she never breastfed me. She told me she liked me as a friend.
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how to save? the wifi is ON, the mouse clicks continue buying and shipping to door steps is free. I -PAD your way, save a lot of head ache just before CROSS MASS VISA MASTER
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