JOTD
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mrsilverservice
Well-Known Member
To cure the British with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches 
Margaret Thatcher (1925 - 2013)
Margaret Thatcher (1925 - 2013)
mrsilverservice
Well-Known Member
Men want the same thing from their underpants as they want from woman,a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom
Jerry Seinfeld.
Jerry Seinfeld.
mrsilverservice
Well-Known Member
Politics is just show business for ugly people
Jay Leno
Jay Leno
exercise is good for you Wait for it and you won't regret it!!
The meal was great but the bill was enormous.
mrsilverservice
Well-Known Member
Cutting off your pecker doesn't make you a woman,it just makes you a guy who cut off his damn pecker
The Duke - John Wayne.
The Duke - John Wayne.
Australia Computer Terminology –
Getting ready for NBN Broadband in the bush!!
LOGON:….Adding wood to make the Barbie hotter
LOG OFF:….Not adding any more wood to the Barbie.
MONITOR:….Keeping an eye on the Barbie.
DOWNLOAD:….Getting the firewood off the Ute.
HARD DRIVE:….Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.
KEYBOARD:….Where you hang the Ute keys.
WINDOWS:….What you shut when the weather's cold.
SCREEN:….What you shut in the mozzie season..
BYTE:….What mozzies do
MEGABYTE:….What Townsville mozzies do.
CHIP:….A pub snack.
MICROCHIP:….What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.
MODEM:….What you did to the lawns.
LAPTOP:….Where the cat sleeps.
SOFTWARE:….Plastic knives and forks you get at Red Rooster.
HARDWARE:….Stainless steel knives and forks - from K-Mart.
MOUSE:….The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.
MAINFRAME:….What holds the shed up.
WEB:….What spiders make.
WEBSITE:….Usually in the shed or under the verandah.
SEARCH ENGINE:….What you do when the Ute won't go.
CURSOR:….What you say when the Ute won't go.
YAHOO:….What you say when the Ute does go.
UPGRADE:…. A steep hill.
SERVER:….The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
MAIL SERVER:….The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
USER:….The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.
NETWORK:….What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.
INTERNET:….Where you want the fish to go.
NETSCAPE:….What the fish do when they discover a hole in the net.
ONLINE:….Where you hang the washing.
OFFLINE:….Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.
Getting ready for NBN Broadband in the bush!!
LOGON:….Adding wood to make the Barbie hotter
LOG OFF:….Not adding any more wood to the Barbie.
MONITOR:….Keeping an eye on the Barbie.
DOWNLOAD:….Getting the firewood off the Ute.
HARD DRIVE:….Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.
KEYBOARD:….Where you hang the Ute keys.
WINDOWS:….What you shut when the weather's cold.
SCREEN:….What you shut in the mozzie season..
BYTE:….What mozzies do
MEGABYTE:….What Townsville mozzies do.
CHIP:….A pub snack.
MICROCHIP:….What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.
MODEM:….What you did to the lawns.
LAPTOP:….Where the cat sleeps.
SOFTWARE:….Plastic knives and forks you get at Red Rooster.
HARDWARE:….Stainless steel knives and forks - from K-Mart.
MOUSE:….The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.
MAINFRAME:….What holds the shed up.
WEB:….What spiders make.
WEBSITE:….Usually in the shed or under the verandah.
SEARCH ENGINE:….What you do when the Ute won't go.
CURSOR:….What you say when the Ute won't go.
YAHOO:….What you say when the Ute does go.
UPGRADE:…. A steep hill.
SERVER:….The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
MAIL SERVER:….The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
USER:….The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.
NETWORK:….What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.
INTERNET:….Where you want the fish to go.
NETSCAPE:….What the fish do when they discover a hole in the net.
ONLINE:….Where you hang the washing.
OFFLINE:….Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.
A doctor was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang.
The doctor calmly answered it, and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We have already opened an aged scotch whisky"
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor
As he was moving out, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely.
"In fact, three doctors are there already!"
The doctor calmly answered it, and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We have already opened an aged scotch whisky"
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor
As he was moving out, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely.
"In fact, three doctors are there already!"
mrsilverservice
Well-Known Member
Always get married in the morning.That way if it doesn't work out you haven't wasted the whole day
Mickey Rooney (1920 - 2014)
Mickey Rooney (1920 - 2014)
mrsilverservice
Well-Known Member
I've always said if you need Viagra you are probably with the wrong girl
POTUS - Donald Trump
POTUS - Donald Trump
I've always said if you need Viagra you are probably with the wrong girl
POTUS - Donald Trump
I take two Viagra a day.
In the morning, to stop me pissing on my shoes, and
At night, to stop me rolling out of bed.
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