JOTD
- Thread starter DanielM
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A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose
, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking ever more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?"
"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. " I have never heard of that condition before" he said. " Are you taking anything for it?"
"Yes," the woman nodded. "Pepper."
, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking ever more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?"
"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. " I have never heard of that condition before" he said. " Are you taking anything for it?"
"Yes," the woman nodded. "Pepper."
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. And, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. All of this made him what?
A: A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
A: A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."
The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
To which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."
The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
To which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
A warning to all my friends. Be careful about drinking and driving this Holidays as it gets closer to Christmas.
Police are out in full force with loads of RBT and road blocks. Last night I was out for dinner and had one too may beers to drink then went onto the whiskeys. Not a good idea so i decide to leave my car as I knew I was over the limit and took a bus home. I passed the police and two RBT where they were pulling over cars left right and centre, because I was in the bus they just waived us past.
I arrived home safely no accidents, which was really a surprise because I have never driven a bus before and not even sure where i got it from.
Be safe this Christmas and all the best for the New Year
Police are out in full force with loads of RBT and road blocks. Last night I was out for dinner and had one too may beers to drink then went onto the whiskeys. Not a good idea so i decide to leave my car as I knew I was over the limit and took a bus home. I passed the police and two RBT where they were pulling over cars left right and centre, because I was in the bus they just waived us past.
I arrived home safely no accidents, which was really a surprise because I have never driven a bus before and not even sure where i got it from.
Be safe this Christmas and all the best for the New Year
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Christmas pressure.
Then, Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
He went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
When he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a glass of cider and a shot of rum.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree
Not a lot of people know about this !
Then, Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
He went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
When he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a glass of cider and a shot of rum.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree
Not a lot of people know about this !
ICE FISHING COMPETITION
The President and the head of the Democrat Party, Nancy Pelosi, are arguing extensively over allowing immigrants into our country. Nancy, of course, wants free access to everyone who wants to come in, while Donald wants us to secure our borders and insure only the qualified people come in.
Instead of going to a costly, time-consuming nationwide vote on the matter, they agree to a 3-day ice fishing contest to settle the dispute. Whoever catches the most fish at the end of the 3 days will be entitled to have his/her process implemented.
The two decide that a remote frozen lake in northern Wisconsin would be the ideal place. No observers on the fishing grounds, but both would need to have their catches verified and counted each night at 5 PM, so they use a neutral park ranger station for that purpose.....so far, so good.
After Day 1, Trump returns to the station with a total of 10 fish, while Pelosi comes back with nothing.
Day 2 finishes and Trump catches another 20 fish, but Pelosi once again comes back with nothing.
That night, Pelosi and her liberal advisor cronies get together and accuse Trump of being a "low-life, cheating piece of scum." Instead of fishing on Day 3, they are going to follow Trump and to spy on him and figure out how he is cheating.
Day 3 finishes up and Trump has had an incredible day, adding 40 more to his total.
That night, Pelosi and her Democrat cohorts get together for the full report on how Donald was cheating.
Pelosi stands up to give her report and says, "You are not going to believe this. Trump is cheating because he's cutting holes in the ice!"
And this, my friends, tells you the difference between a businessman and a career government politician.
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