JOTD
- Thread starter DanielM
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I'm passing this on because it worked for me today.
A motivational expert said to have inner peace we should always finish things we start & we all could use more calm in our lives.
I looked around my house to find things I'd started & hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum
Mary Quismus
A motivational expert said to have inner peace we should always finish things we start & we all could use more calm in our lives.
I looked around my house to find things I'd started & hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum
Mary Quismus
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Kevin says:
"I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to
the most expensive clubs and find me the finest hooker.
I’ll give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment
in Copacabana, and a mansion in Paris
She’ll also have a jet to travel throughout Europe as well as
Infinite Visa Card, and all the while I’ll be banging her like a
loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this
horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge
what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson.
“And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Kevin’s hooker."
A cruise ship was about to sink.The white people looked amongst themselves for someone to pray but no one wanted to as everyone was nervous.
With tears in his eyes the ship captain suddenly spotted one of the black janitors, he pointed his finger at him and shouted; " You! Pray for us!"
Afraid he would be punished for not listening the black man agreed and started his prayer with confidence;
"Lord, as I was boarding this ship it said 'WHITES ONLY'.... When I wanted to use the bathroom the sign said 'WHITES ONLY'.....when I went to the tables for dinner it said 'WHITES ONLY'...... So Lord as this ship is about to sink, I pray that you take 'WHITES ONLY' "AMEN".
With tears in his eyes the ship captain suddenly spotted one of the black janitors, he pointed his finger at him and shouted; " You! Pray for us!"
Afraid he would be punished for not listening the black man agreed and started his prayer with confidence;
"Lord, as I was boarding this ship it said 'WHITES ONLY'.... When I wanted to use the bathroom the sign said 'WHITES ONLY'.....when I went to the tables for dinner it said 'WHITES ONLY'...... So Lord as this ship is about to sink, I pray that you take 'WHITES ONLY' "AMEN".
A blonde gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting. 'What's up?' she asks. 'I think I'm having a heart attack,' - cries the husband.
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, "Mummy, Mummy, Aunty Shirley is hiding in the wardrobe, and she has no clothes on.
The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom right past her husband.. rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.
'You rotten bitch', she screams. 'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked, playing hide and seek with the kids!'
She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting. 'What's up?' she asks. 'I think I'm having a heart attack,' - cries the husband.
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, "Mummy, Mummy, Aunty Shirley is hiding in the wardrobe, and she has no clothes on.
The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom right past her husband.. rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.
'You rotten bitch', she screams. 'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked, playing hide and seek with the kids!'
Important medical information! A must read!
I do not understand why prescription medicine is allowed to advertise on TV or why anyone would think of trying one of the medicines after listening to the laundry list of warnings of possible side effects. But this is definitely an exception!
Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
Do you sometimes feel stressed?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Cabernet Sauvignon.
Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you are ready and willing to do just about anything.
You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately, and, with a regimen of regular doses, you will overcome obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past. You will discover talents you never knew you had..
Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it but women who would not mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.
Side effects may include: dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration,
loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare and Naked Twister.
Warnings:
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think you can sing.
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
Please feel free to share this important medical information and always
remember:
“LIFE IS A CABERNET OLD CHUM”
Love this pic... the only thing to make it better would be for them to use the pitchfork as a selfie stick.
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