JOTD

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Four friends meet 30 years after school.

One goes to the toilet while the other three start to talk about how successful their sons have become.

The first guy says his son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich he gave his best friend a Ferrari.

Second guy says his son became a pilot, started his own airline and became so rich he gave his best friend a jet.

Third guy says his son became an engineer, started his own development company and became so rich he built his best friend a castle.

The fourth guy came back from toilet and asks what the buzz is about. They told him they were talking about how successful their sons had become and ask him about his own son.

He said his son was transsexual and a stripper at a gay bar.

The other three men said he must be very disappointed with his son for not becoming successful.

"Oh no!" said the man "he is doing great! Last week was his birthday and he got a Ferrari, a jet and a castle from three of his boyfriends!"
 
A wild eyed 69 year old woman walked into a crowded bar in downtown Washington,

District of Columbia, waving an un-holstered pistol and yelled out,

“I have a .45 caliber Colt 1911, with a seven round magazine, plus one in the chamber.

I want to know who's been sleeping with my husband?”

A female voice from the back of the room shouted out,

“You need a hellava lot more ammo Hillary
 
A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client.

"I have some good news, and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day. Give me the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she

just invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15 million

to $20 million, and I think she could be right."

The art collector replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day.

Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"

The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary."
 
"As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home.

In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's.... The landlord goes out of his way for the locals.

When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink." "Well, Angus," said the Englishman,

\"At my local in London , the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said Paddy Sheehan, the Irishman. "Back home in me favorite pub in Galway ,

the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another,

all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks,

they'll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. "Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."
 
Irish Fire Insurance


A man and his wife moved back home to Dublin, from London.

The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Britain was £2000.00 a year!

When they arrived in Dublin, they went to an Insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg.

The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, '€39.00.'

The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Ireland to insure, because it cost him £2000.00 in England!

The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says…
*Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is €39.00.*'

 
Senior Coffee Mugs


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An old cowboy sat down in a Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos,

fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my bar, fixing flats,

working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women.

When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women.

I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "

Are you a real cowboy?" He replied,

"I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."
 
Amber Traffic Light . . .

The light turned amber, just in front of a fella. He did the right thing and stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman behind him was furious, as she slammed on her brakes, and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, having missed her chance to get through the intersection.

While still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious Police Officer. The Officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. Hand-cuffing her, the Officer then drove her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed & placed in a "holding cell."

After a couple of hours, another Policeman approached her cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the Arresting Officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, giving the guy in front of you the finger and cursing at him.

I noticed the "What Would Jesus Do" bumper sticker, the "Choose Life" license plate holder, the "Follow Me to Sunday-School" bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated "Christian Fish" emblem on the trunk, so naturally I assumed you had stolen the car!
 
After 23 years of marriage, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her slowly and without blinking an eye, said: ABCDEFGHIJK.
"What does that mean?" she asked.
"Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fashionable, Gorgeous and Hot" he replied.
Smiling, she asked: What about IJK?
He replied: I'm Just Kidding!

And the fight started...
 
There was a Japanese man who went to Sydney for sightseeing.On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the drive to drive to the airport.

During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi.
Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled,”Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!”
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi.Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled,”Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!”

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi.
For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, “Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!”

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars.

Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was AUD$300.The Japanese exclaimed, “Wah… so expensive!” There upon, the driver yelled back, “Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!”
 
An Inspirational speaker said: "The best days of my life were the days I spent with another man's wife".

Audience was in shock and silent. Then he added: "and she is my mother". A big round of applause and laughter followed.

One Man who listened to the speech decided to crack this joke at home.
After dinner, he said to his wife: the best days of my life were the days I spent with another man's wife....

After a moment he tried to recall the second line......
By the time he regained consciousness, he was on hospital bed, recovering from burns of hot water poured by his wife.

MORAL LESSON: Don't copy if you cannot paste.
 
^ hmmm. Given the new-fangled prevalence for incest porn I wonder how the joke goes down with the next generation?
 
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