JOTD
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Aww even 'world's least humorous man' Laurie Oakes attempts a funny at the end of the linked report..
Acorn
Well-Known Member
Corroboration of Russian Diplomat story above?
http://articles.latimes.com/1986-01-07/news/mn-13892_1_soviets
http://articles.latimes.com/1986-01-07/news/mn-13892_1_soviets
the POLE people
What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.
"What's your father's occupation?" asked the school secretary on the first day of the new academic year.
"He's a magician, Ma'am" said Little Johnny.
"How interesting. What's his favourite trick?"
"He saws people in half."
"Wow! Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?"
"One half brother and two half sisters."
"He's a magician, Ma'am" said Little Johnny.
"How interesting. What's his favourite trick?"
"He saws people in half."
"Wow! Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?"
"One half brother and two half sisters."
An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, "George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally?
Are you at peace with God?"
George replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! the light goes off."
"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says. A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife.
"Ethel," he says, "George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light goes off?"
"Oh my God!" Ethel exclaims. "He's pissing in the fridge again!
Are you at peace with God?"
George replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! the light goes off."
"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says. A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife.
"Ethel," he says, "George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light goes off?"
"Oh my God!" Ethel exclaims. "He's pissing in the fridge again!
A nun is having a shower when she hears the door bell ring.
Rushing to the door she realises that she has forgotten the towel and water is dripping everywhere. Not wanting to hold the person up she shouts "who is it."
The reply is "it's the blind man from the village."
The nun quickly opens the door and lets him in.
He responds "nice tits, where do you want the blinds."
Rushing to the door she realises that she has forgotten the towel and water is dripping everywhere. Not wanting to hold the person up she shouts "who is it."
The reply is "it's the blind man from the village."
The nun quickly opens the door and lets him in.
He responds "nice tits, where do you want the blinds."
I'll never forget my grandfathers last words.
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"Stop shaking the ladder you little bastard!".
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"Stop shaking the ladder you little bastard!".
Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer.
The three men had always done everything together. Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, "Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought this was rather strange. So he brought Gomer in, to confirm the identity of the body.
Gomer looked at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."
"What? He had two assholes?" asked the mortician..
"Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say, 'There's Bubba with them two assholes. "
The three men had always done everything together. Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, "Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought this was rather strange. So he brought Gomer in, to confirm the identity of the body.
Gomer looked at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."
"What? He had two assholes?" asked the mortician..
"Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say, 'There's Bubba with them two assholes. "
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