JOTD
- Thread starter DanielM
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there is a job
http://www.facebook.com/absurdabilia/videos/1009319105829076/
the captain of the horny blower need a repair job now :lol:
http://www.facebook.com/absurdabilia/videos/1009319105829076/
the captain of the horny blower need a repair job now :lol:
Puns For The Educated Mind
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A firecracker thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: "You stay here. I'll go on a head."
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: "Keep off the Grass".
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion .
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir! Only one carrion allowed per passenger."
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam!"
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron". The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
25. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
26.Two cannibals were eating a clown, one of them said, "Mine tastes funny!"
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A firecracker thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: "You stay here. I'll go on a head."
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: "Keep off the Grass".
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion .
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir! Only one carrion allowed per passenger."
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam!"
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron". The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
25. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
26.Two cannibals were eating a clown, one of them said, "Mine tastes funny!"
JulieW said:
Most of them are fakes, people actually investigate these Youtube videos and discover all the paid actors etc!
The ones with people being attacked or really over the top acting are fake for sure.
Usually you can tell because they are really well lit or there are multiple camera angles.
Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic that stayed awake all night wondering if there was a Dog ?
systematic
Well-Known Member
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezNQtSGJH8Q[/youtube]
First comment in the original thread where this was posted: "What's the typical jail sentence for someone caught listening to Triple M?" :lol:
Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/australia/comments/4dfqo9/busted/
Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/australia/comments/4dfqo9/busted/
Wondering which WA stacker might be qualified for this job? :lol:
Source: SMH
http://www.smh.com.au/wa-news/thong...t-top-professional-bogan-20160405-gnylut.html
Source: SMH
http://www.smh.com.au/wa-news/thong...t-top-professional-bogan-20160405-gnylut.html
Dog riding scooter
no helmet no license
http://www.facebook.com/cektkpdotcom/videos/939518989478054/
no helmet no license
http://www.facebook.com/cektkpdotcom/videos/939518989478054/
A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"
A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said,
"All I want out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always says".
The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be?"
The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage,
a tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for all of it.
The teacher got a coughing fit and had to leave the room.
A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said,
"All I want out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always says".
The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be?"
The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage,
a tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for all of it.
The teacher got a coughing fit and had to leave the room.
Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl... not on my watch.
--
Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Janice arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished! It turns out that Dave had read an article that said, "Wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex". The night went very well. The next day, Janice told her friends all about it. "We had a great dinner. Dave even cleaned up the kitchen. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed the evening." "But what about afterward?" asked her friends. "Oh, that... Dave was too tired!"
--
Husband's text message to wife: "Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office. Karen brought me to the Hospital and the doctors are presently doing tests and taking X-rays. Suffered a severe blow to my head but it might not have any lasting effects. A severe laceration to my back required 49 stitches to close, and I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture of the left leg. Amputation of the foot is a possibility. Love you..." Wife's Response: "Who the fuck is Karen?"
--
This priest was hearing a woman's confession when a drunk stumbled into the booth on the opposite side. As the priest was finishing with her he heard the drunk groaning as if in quite some pain. He slid open the other panel and asked "Are you ok?" All he heard was another groan. He asked again and the drunk finally replied "Yeah, I feel lots better. Do you have any toilet paper on your side?"
--
Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Janice arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished! It turns out that Dave had read an article that said, "Wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex". The night went very well. The next day, Janice told her friends all about it. "We had a great dinner. Dave even cleaned up the kitchen. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed the evening." "But what about afterward?" asked her friends. "Oh, that... Dave was too tired!"
--
Husband's text message to wife: "Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office. Karen brought me to the Hospital and the doctors are presently doing tests and taking X-rays. Suffered a severe blow to my head but it might not have any lasting effects. A severe laceration to my back required 49 stitches to close, and I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture of the left leg. Amputation of the foot is a possibility. Love you..." Wife's Response: "Who the fuck is Karen?"
--
This priest was hearing a woman's confession when a drunk stumbled into the booth on the opposite side. As the priest was finishing with her he heard the drunk groaning as if in quite some pain. He slid open the other panel and asked "Are you ok?" All he heard was another groan. He asked again and the drunk finally replied "Yeah, I feel lots better. Do you have any toilet paper on your side?"
A Kiwi walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep in his arms and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies:
"I think you'll find that's not a pig but a sheep, you idiot."
The man says: " Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies:
"I think you'll find that's not a pig but a sheep, you idiot."
The man says: " Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."
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