JOTD

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A homeless was talking with his maker and said, "God?"

"Yes."
"What is a million years to you?"
"My son, a million years is as a second to me."
"Well then, what is a million dollars to you?"
"A million dollars is as a penny."
"God, may I have a penny?"
"Certainly. Just a second.........."
 
Mrs. Rapoport and Mrs. Schwartz were sitting around the lunchroom table
at the senior citizens high rise. "So, Mrs. Rapoport. What's new?"
"Vell" said Mrs. Rapoport, "Last night I vent out vith Mr. Stein, and
he vas such a gentleman. Vhy, ven he came to the door to pick me up,
he brought roses. Then ven ve vent out to eat, such a gentleman. He
ordered lobster vith all zee trimmings. Ven ve vent home, he held zee
door for me, but ven ve got into mine house, he ripped off all my
clothes, dragged me to the bedroom and had his vay vith me..."
"Oh, my goodness!" said Mrs. Stein. "Why, I have a date with him
tonight! What do you think I should do?"
"Vell, if I vere you, I vould vear old clothes..."
 
dads-in-jail-stick-figure-family-decal-thumb.jpg
 
JohnnyBravo300 said:
A guy and his blonde wife was watching the evening news.
They reported a hurricane in the Amazon with 1 Brazilian dead.
The wife looks at her husband with a confused look
and asks, "Oh my! How many is a Brazilian!?"
Click to expand...

I like a good joke that I can just wheel out as a truism at a dinner party. The correction above reads better.
 
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