JOTD

:lol: Aah, the classics from the school playground. Reminds me of:
Q: What sound does a puppy in a blender make?
A: <Too twisted to be posted on here>

 

Even more twisted.
Q: What gets smaller and smaller and redder and redder?
A: Much to twisted to post here.

 

:lol: Memory banks are in overdrive leaving me giggling crazily at my desk at many more really bad ones.

 

In a Chinese restaurant, and a duck comes up with a red rose and says: "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds." ......

"Waiter, I asked for AROMATIC duck."

 

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.

One student said to his friend:"I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."

The other student says:"No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."

Since they couldn't agree, they decided to ask the old man.

They approached him and one of the students said to him,"We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk. But we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"

The old man said,"I'll tell you. But first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."

The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

So they asked him, "Well, old-timer, what do you have?"

The old man said, "I thought it was WIND - but I was wrong, too!"

 

^ thanks boston, I cried I laughed so hard, nearly shat myself!

 

How do you stop Italian man (or Krudd) from talking ??

You tie their hands behind their back :lol:

SC

 

Why do Italian men have moustaches ??

Because they want to look like their mother :lol:

SC

 

Why do gay men have moustaches??

To hide the stretch marks!

 

Pastorised milk?

 

Romantic first line


THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes .......
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

 

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsF3HspQY6A[/youtube]

 

A lawyer defending a man in New York accused of burglary tried this creative defence:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles Your Honour.

His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb?"

"Well put," the judge replied.
"Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to 5 year's imprisonment!
He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled.

With his lawyer's assistance.. he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

How cool is that?

 

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