JOTD

An elderly Italian lived alone in New Jersey.

He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over..? I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.

Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.



Dear Pop,

Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.

Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area, but without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

The next day the old man received another letter from his son.



Dear Pop,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love you,
Vinnie.

 

carded pineapples

 

More of Miley Cyrus.

[img=FluxBB bbcode test]https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7806291712/hD8CCDE9E/[/img]

 

Sorry,I have been holding this in for way too long,and it must come out

JOTD = The Australian Party

JOTW (week) = ALP

JOTM (month) - You guessed it = ALP

JOTY (year) - yes again,sorry = ALP

What a sad bunch of ALP

SC

 

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there'.. and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note.

The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read:'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants'. After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady. It read:

'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the wine back.'

 

Maybe it was an ATB quarter?

 

A blonde walked into a bar.

 

[imgz=http://forums.silverstackers.com/uploads/5904_73.jpg][/imgz]

 

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, " Why then don't you eat the peanuts yourself?".

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth," she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"


The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."

 

I think I saw you on TV last night.


Source:

 

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTUcf7rLPRU[/youtube]

 

A bloke calls his mate, the horse breeder, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.

His mate asks, 'How will I recognize him?'

'That's easy; he's a dwarf with a speech impediment.'

So, the dwarf shows up, and the breeder asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.

'A female horth.'

So he shows him a prized filly.

'Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth?'

So the breeder picks up the dwarf and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.

'Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?'

So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.

'Nith earzth, can I thee her mouf?'

The breeder is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.

'Nice mouf, can I see her twat?'

Totally mad at this point, the breeder grabs him under his arms and rams the dwarf's head up the horse's fanny, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.

'Perhapth I should rephrase that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit?'

 

^^^ :lol:

 

Husband takes his wife to a disco. There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.

The wife turns to her husband and says:
"See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!"





.

 

How do you make a cat meow ???

You take it out of the freezer,and run it through a bansaw - Meooooow :lol:

SC

 

wrong way round
How do you make a "DOG" meow
You take it out of the freezer,and run it through a bansaw

how do you make a cat "WOOF"
Throw petrol on it & throw a match on it

 

Is it snowing?

A married Russian couple are walking through Red Square when the weather suddenly takes a turn for the worse: "
Oh great," sighs the woman, '"snow".
That's not snow" protests her husband,"that's rain!'"

The two continue to disagree and the argument becomes quite heated.
Just then,the man spots a communist friend walking on the other side of the street.
He shouts to him, "Hey, Rudolph! Is it snowing or raining?"
Rudolph looks up to the sky and without hesitation replies, "It's raining - definitely!"

As he moves on, the man smiles at his wife. "What are you looking so smug about?" she snaps, "that doesn't prove anything!"
'Ah but it does,' says the man,'Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

 

A Chinese man rings his boss, "Me no work I sick." Boss says, "When I'm sick, I make love with my wife. Try that." Two hours later the Chinese man rings back, "Me better, you got nice house."