JOTD

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cer8I4cX-vs[/youtube]

 

A duck is about to cross the road when a chicken shouts out "Whoa.......don't go there, you will never hear the end of it"

 

A lawyer boarded an airplane in Gladstone with a box of frozen crabs and

Asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him..

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.

He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a Lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his Behaviour.

Shortly before landing in Brisbane, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in Gladstone, please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up .... So she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folk think.

 

^^^ :lol:

 

Source: life

 

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrozutSrdzw[/youtube]

 

Alex Jones Can Knock Someones Nose Inside Their Brain

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuoBICX7PHQ[/youtube]

 

I'm not a crazy man.

 

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2FX9rviEhw[/youtube]

 

I just received a chain letter that said if I didn't forward it on a dead woman will appear in my closet tonight.



Guess who's getting lucky tonight

 

A guy walks into the urinal & stands next to a black guy & sees the size of his penis & says wow how do i get one like that ?

The black guy turns & says you tie a 5lb rock to it with some string & walk around for two weeks .

The guy promptly rushes home & follows the instructions & does as he said

After 2 weeks he sees the black guy again & the black guy says how did it work

The white guy says "im half way there its gone black "

 

Ah Miley Cyrus

 

^^ that is just fowl. Eww....gross...

Shiny.

 

Questions that need answers

1) Why does the gynaecologist leave the room when his patient gets undressed?

2) If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

3) Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

4) Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your bottom?

5) Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say'
My name is Bob and I am an alcoholic'?

6) Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

7) Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

8) Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?

9) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

10) Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

11) Who was the first person to look at a cow and say 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

12) What do people in China call their good quality plates?

13) Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

14) What do you call male ballerinas?

15) Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

16) If quizzes are quizzical what are tests?

17) If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables then what is baby oil made from?

18) Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe you believe them but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere you have to touch it to make sure?

 

When Miley is naked and licks a hammer it is "art" & "music".
When I am naked and lick a hammer I am "wasted" & "... have to leave Bunnings".

 

who ever does these Kiwi commercials is a funny bugga

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8KAaf45g5U[/youtube]

 

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman.

He was being cross-examined by a defence attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility ...

Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'

A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

Q: 'Officer, who provided this description?'

A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'

A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'

A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'

A: 'Yes, sir, I do.'

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

A: 'Yes, sir.'

Q: 'Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'
A: 'You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called

 

There was this guy

There was this guy, and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine, who was very pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started.

Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite besotted with her, and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too.

But this guy was a loyal man, and he wouldn't do anything with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine.

He decided that there was nothing for it, but to break up with Lorraine and get it on with the new girl.

He planned several times to tell Lorraine, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. One day they went for a walk along the river bank when Lorraine slipped and fell into the river.

The current carried her off and she drowned. The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and ... singing..










































"I can see Clearly now, Lorraine has gone"