JOTD

AIRCRAFT, WHY DO THEY STILL HAVE ASHTRAYS IN THE TOILETS?

Although smoking has been banned on all flights for more than a decade, even the newest generation aircraft are required to have ashtrays.

The US Code of Federal Regulation for airworthiness states "Regardless of whether smoking is allowed in any other part of the airplane, lavatories must have self-contained, removable ashtrays located conspicuously on or near the entry side of each lavatory door."

A similar ruling applies in the European Union, the other major manufacturer of commercial aircraft.
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So it is that ashtrays can be found on the inside of every aircraft toilet door, usually accompanied by a sticker that shows a burning cigarette with a red slash through the middle.

Weird as it seems to have an ashtray where smoking is expressly forbidden, it comes from a wise appreciation of human foibles. We do things we aren't supposed to.

Regardless of the prohibition, the lights throughout the cabin that indicate "no smoking" and the smoke detectors fitted in aircraft toilets, someone will from time to time light up.

Aircraft have crashed, and passengers have died, as a result of fires that were started by burning cigarettes tossed into the trash bin in aircraft toilets.

Better to have a non-complier break the rules and stub out in the ashtray than risk them disposing of a smouldering cigarette in the highly combustible material in the waste paper bin.

 

Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know - and we take responsibility for all we have done and do not blame others.

HOWEVER, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the senior citizens who took:

The melody out of music,
The pride out of appearance,
The courtesy out of driving,
The romance out of love,
The commitment out of marriage,
The responsibility out of parenthood,
The togetherness out of the family,
The learning out of education,
The service out of patriotism,
The Golden Rule from rulers,
The civility out of behaviour,
The refinement out of language,
The dedication out of employment,
The prudence out of spending,
The ambition out of achievement or
The spirit of God out of government and school.

And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others!!

And, we do understand the meaning of patriotism, and remember those who have fought and died for our country. Just look at the Seniors with tears in their eyes and pride in their hearts as they stand at attention with their head bowed at the Cenotaph.


YES, I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN!

I'm the life of the party....... even if it lasts until 8 p.m.

I'm very good at opening childproof caps.... with a hammer.

I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.

I'm sure everything I can't find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.

I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.

I'm beginning to realize that ageing is not for wimps.

Yes, I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!

Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I wouldn't send it back to them,
but I would send it to many more too!

Spread the laughter

 

A plane is on it's way to Melbourne when a Blonde in Economy Class gets up & moves to the First Class section and sits down.
The Flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.
She then tells the Blonde passenger that she will have to return to her Economy seat.

The Blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here!'

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class who belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat..
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy, she is only entitled to an Economy seat and she will have to return to her original seat.

The Blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here!'

Exasperated the co-pilot tells the pilot that it was no use and that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest the Blonde who won't listen to reason.
'You say she's blonde? I'll handle this, I'm married to a blonde, and I speak blonde!'

The pilot goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says, 'Oh I'm sorry - I had no idea', gets up and moves back to her seat in Economy.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

The pilot replied, 'I told her First Class isn't going to Melbourne'

 

Complete and Finished....similar but different.....

Some people claim there's little difference between the words COMPLETE and FINISHED, but here's an easy-to-understand example of how they differ.

When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.

But when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED.

And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!

 

The ignore function : :lol:

 

What they mean: fried duck ?? !!

 

Thanks Julie.

Just fyi... All aircraft lavs have fire extinguishers installed in the bins... But you will find qantas hosties always empty old tea coffee pots into the lav bins, just incase there is a smouldering ciggy in there.. It will stop any fires.

Shiny.

 

Chinese zoo angers visitors by passing off hairy Tibetan mastiff dog as lion

 

Thats actually the literal translation word by word

 

Japanese Tourists Welcomed to Australia


[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIEsc4isonw[/youtube]

 

Golden ChipMunk
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From: WesternGoldpit.
Registered: 2012-12-12
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Matt style Type F 10 oz. Perth Mint Bars with Shock Wave Swirls

 

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deleted

 

AUSTRALIAN LETTER - To our Immigration Minister :lol: :lol:

This is an actual letter sent to the DFAT (Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade) Immigration Minister. The Government tried desperately to censure the author, but got nowhere because every legal person who read it couldn't stop laughing !

Dear Mr Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.

How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that I bought a television set and golf clubs and condoms from them back in 1997, and yet the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born
and on what date ?

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand ?

My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years.

It is also on my driver's licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off planes
over the past 30 years.

It's also on all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.

Also... would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Audrey, my father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely bloody astounded if that ever
changed between now and when I drop dead !!!

SHIT! What do you people do with all this information we keep having to provide?

I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pissed off this morning.

Between you and me, I've had enough of all this bullshit!

You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bloody address!

What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless Neanderthal arseholes working there!

And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl). And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether or not I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? In the unlikely event I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other side of Sydney , and get another bloody copy of my birth certificate - and to part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?

Nooooothat'd be too bloody easy and makes far too much sense.

You would much prefer to have us running all over the bloody place like chickens with our heads cut off, and then having to find some 'high-society' wanker to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo... the one where we're not allowed to smile?...you bloody morons.

Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in 'high-society' to confirm that it's me?



Well, my family has been in this country since before 1820! In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade!)

I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army for something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances. I'm also a personal friend of the president of the RSL....Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.

However, your rules require that I have to get someone "important" to verify who I am; you know...someone like my doctor - WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN BLOODY PAKISTAN!...a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers - and are suspended from
the Commonwealth and United Nations for not having the "right sort of government"..

You are all pen-pushing paper-shuffling bloody idiots!

 

Life just gets better as you get older doesn't it.

I was in a coffee club recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.

The place was packed but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.

I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my IPod.

And how was your day?

 

A fur seal walks into a club........

 

Ohhhh, crikey!!