JOTD

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David Beckham gets in a taxi at Dublin airport. He notices the driver looks at him insistently in the rearview mirror. After 5 minutes the taxi driver asks, “Ok. At least give me a hint"
David Beckham sighs and says. “I had a brilliant career at Manchester United, married one of the Spice Girls and played for more than 100 times for England's national team. Enough?"
Driver replies: "No, you idiot! Where are we going!
 
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Doctors were asked if we should reopen the country.
Here's what the experts said:
Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
Many Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!”
Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.
Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter.”
Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes.
 
An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night. There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.
Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past. Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.
It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!! Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great!
By the way, how did I look in your dream?
Was my hair okay?"
His assistant said "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."
 
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