I was cleanin out me chest an found sum olde pirate rules I tink dey were me gandaddy's A pirate does not ask for directions. He relies only on his gut feeling, a compass, or a treasure map. Parrots are the preferred pirate companion. Monkeys are an acceptable substitute, unless they fling their feces at people. Then they are an awesome substitute. When fishing, a pirate uses either a sword, a knife, or his bare hands. Use of a hook is only acceptable in the event the pirate is missing a hand. Pirates shall always wear boots, except in the case of a peg leg. Then one boot is acceptable. Flip-flops are right out. Pirates do not cry, except in the case of the loss of a shipload of rum or Vodka. When describing the size of a treasure, a pirate is required to exaggerate by at least 130%. Flowers are not treasure under any circumstances, unless said flowers are made out of gold. A pirate shall never wear lipstick, nail polish, or capri pants. Actually, that kinda goes without saying. No pirate shall discuss his feelings, unless his feelings include gutting a man from stem to stern and spilling his entrails. A pirate should always remove his hat in the presence of a bartender. During a swordfight, swordfighting insults are required. In the event both participants are still alive at the end of the fight, the participant with the superior insults shall be declared the victor. No pirate shall ever wear a "fanny pack". All foods prepared by a pirate must include rum, Vodka, grog, or beer. Boone's and other "Wench Punch" is prohibited. A pirate may never compliment another pirate on the softness of his hands. No pirate shall wear a bracelet or a necklace, unless it is the tooth or tusk of an animal he killed. If in the presence of cannibals, a necklace is acceptable camouflage, but only if said necklace is made of human toes. Pirate Law: Dousing oneself in beer is a perfectly acceptable replacement for a shower. No pirate shall drink Grog out of a glass. Grog is only to be consumed either straight from the barrel, or from a mug heavy enough to to kill a man. Three-cornered hats, headbands and bandanas are the only acceptable headwear for pirates. Fedoras, bowler derbies, baseball caps, mickey ears, top hats, sombreros, or anything with lace and flowers will be removed from the vessel-- head included. A grace period of one minute is allowed for hats looted from a tailory. A pirate shall never wrap presents. The only thing a pirate gives is a bludgerin'. Pirate Law: A pirate does not use the word "Fabulous". Ever. No pirate shall attend a movie with less than an Arrrr rating. Only a pirate is capable of killing another pirate. If you are not a pirate (let's say a ninja) and wish to challenge a pirate, they have a word for that. Corpse. Pirate Law: "ARRRRRRRRRRR..." is a perfectly acceptable answer to any question. A pirate does not "go shopping". Unless by "shopping", you mean "killing". Peglegs must be made of timber or some other suitable wood. Plastic, ceramic, porcelain, or metal peglegs are utterly unnacceptable, simply because it complicates the use of the phrase "shiver me timbers". Real pirates have chest hair. If you cannot grow chest hair, you may be a cabin boy. Under no circumstances is a comb-over an acceptable pirate hairdo. No pirate may ever change his shirt because it is "wrinkled". A pirate may only change his shirt if it is completely soaked in blood. When drinking, Pirates may sing. "Fifteen Men on a Dead Man's Chest" is preferred. Kelly Clarkson songs are not allowed. No pirate shall ever drive a minivan, unless he drives the minivan into a tavern, for the purposes of looting barrels of rum from said tavern. Upon completion of this task, the minivan is to be burned. No exceptions. No matter how hard it is raining, two pirates may never share an umbrella. Pirates do not fear rain. If circumstances demand a career change, a move into real estate brokerage or tax collection shall be considered a lateral move and said individual may keep their pirate status. A pirate does not snuggle with an animal, unless he is trying to snap its neck. But I guess that wouldn't really be "snuggling". (Sheep excepted if your name is Blacksheep) A pirate may never wear another man's clothing, unless he first kills that man. Two pirates must never share a bed or a hammock. It is perfectly acceptable for one pirate to sleep on the floor, or on a pile of treasure. Pirates do not wear eyeglasses or bifocals unless they are looking at a treasure map, and even then they are allowed only a monacle. Any comments about "Mr. Peanut" while wearing the monacle are prohibited. When setting out on a voyage, a pirate does not pack a suitcase. He is only to bring what he can carry under his arms, or what his wench can carry on her back. Pirates do not go shopping. They go lootin' and plunderin'. --> A pirate does not mow the lawn. Lawns are for landlubbers. Lifting or removing one's eyepatch is extremely impolite but is not considered an insult. It's just kinda gross. Likewise, one should never remove another pirate's eyepatch, except with a sword to the face. Pirates never use the words "fresh" or "feelings," and certainly not together (as in "I have that not-so-fresh feeling"). A pirate must never visit a tanning salon. If he is not already tan enough from searching for treasure, he hasn't been searching hard enough. While creativity is encouraged during any barfight or battle at sea, pirates may only use the following types of sword; falchions, scimitars, rapiers, and particularly long knives. Katanas or any other Ninja sword are strictly forbidden, unless the Pirate rips off a Ninja's arm and hurls the arm, and attached Katana, as a projectile. No pirate shall ever sit on a toilet seat, for any reason. Kidnapping is an acceptable substitute for killing, but only if it is for the purpose of plank walking at a later time. When swimming, pirates do not dive. They cannonball. Cannoneers aboard a pirate vessel are not allowed to use hearing protection of any sort. No matter what the OSHA regulations say, if ye can't stand bleedin' from the ears, you have no business being a Pirate. A pirate will never wear a patch that is any other color than black; unless it's halloween. then they can wear a patch with an eyeball painted on the outside. Polka dots are not permitted under any circumstances. Female pirates are allowed some exception to rules concerning hygiene and garmentry, but must make up for it by using twice as much profanity. Hooks are the only acceptable hand substitute. However, they may not have secondary attachments such as screwdrivers, bottle openers, corkscrews, or nail files. These are Pirates we're talking about, not Inspector Gadget. A pirate's diet consists mainly of meat. If at sea, and meat is not available, shoe leather is an acceptable replacement. Pirate Law: You can't spell pirate, without "irate". There's a reason for that, so don't even try. No pirate will ever, ever raise his pinky when drinking any sort of beverage. Pirate Law: When choosing clothing, even if it looks dirty, or smells dirty, it is clean. A pirate may ride in a rowboat, if traveling to or from his ship. Use of a Kayak is only permitted if used for cannon target practice. When drinking rum, the only thing a pirate adds to the rum is more rum or Vodka. The official Pirate religion is Pastafarianism. No pirate shall ever play wiffle ball. Under no circumstances does a pirate speak with a Ninja, unless he first decapitates that Ninja and uses his head like a sock puppet. When at the office, answering the telephone with "Arrrrrrr" is perfectly acceptable for pirates. Other acceptable choices are "Avast!", and "Ahoy Matey!" A Pirate does not read poetry, unless said poetry is scrawled on the wall of a bathroom. All women are to be referred to as wenches, with the exception of female Pirates, who can be referred to as "lass" or Sweet. Pirates do not clean up, except when gold falls out of a treasure chest. Spilling rum or Vodka is not acceptable, except in the act of "pouring some out for dead mateys". A pirate may tell any tale of swashbuckling without being called on the details, as long as at least 51% of the story is true. A pirate may never shave below the neck. Shaving above the neck is allowed, but only if the pirate shaves his entire head. In the presence of cannibals, a mohawk is acceptable. No pirate may do the arm movements for "YMCA", or engage in country-western line-dancing. Pirates do not say "please" or "thank you". The phrase "Arrr, I'll probably kill you tomorrow" is an acceptable alternative for "Thank you". Should the ship's bow have a carving of a naked wench, mermaid, or something of the like, crew members should not touch it. Feeling up a wooden statue is unbecoming of a pirate. Pirates do not "IM". The only instant message allowed is a sword through the chest. Dental Hygiene for Pirates is not a priority. Should there be occasion, however, strong rum or salt water can be used as mouthwash. Anything "minty fresh" is strictly forbidden. Pirates never, ever obey laws. Period. Ironic, I realize
dat wer a ritechus read Sucross, I'll proly kill yer termerra! now ware did I poot me rumandalimeanakokunut?
That's not a bad idea DonaldTrump... even on a Take down Tuesday night. "RAISE THE GOLDEN ANCHOR CREW: PREPARE TO SAIL NORTH" SC: Please hoist the main royal, main top gallant, main upper and lower topsails and the fore course sails on masts 1, 2 and 3. Reef the jibs for now, but prepare the mizzen and mizzen gaff topsail for duty by mid morning tomorrow. (As we criss cross the ocean we might enjoy some Sailing with Chris Cross.) We'd better close up the "Onboard Silver Shoppe" for now Maggie - the time for low-priced buying is over, and we will need your Blythering-berg-spotting skills in the Crow's Nest soon. New Recruits - Please stow all hand luggage in the overhead lockers and observe the no smoking signs at all times. If we should run into turbulence a small silver chart will drop from the compartment over your head, showing the silver price returning to an upright position. That should help. AK Errol43, please have the remaining crew hoist the mizzen topgallant and mizzen topmast staysails on all masts and check the outer jib on mast four for damage after the recent hailstorms. If it needs repairs see if BlackSheep has any more wool. Don't be too worried if we get blown backward a bit tonight. Stand fast in the wheelhouse and try to keep the winds at our back. Aim for a bearing of 30 degrees. If the breeze drops tonight bring aboard a few stackers from the "Markets & Economies" thread there's a lot of breeze down there... I've entered our primary target into the SS GPS. We should be bearing North by North East aiming to strike Berg 34 within seven days. You know the route we've been this way before. We have a lot of new crew members aboard now, so let's try to keep her under seven knots for now - until they all find their sea legs. (I'm still looking for one of mine) First Class Passengers: All pets are to be fed and returned to their appropriate cages or perches. (Let's not repeat last year's unfortunate mix up with the homing pigeons and the Kestrels.) (Has anyone seen the plug for the vodka bottle?) Patience now crew! It's going to be a very rough night. Keep those weather eyes peeled while we await my Friend the Wind... SPOT : USD $31.75
I be in big trouble with my computer.. Can't access Silver Stackers since update of site..Going round and round in circles..Not sure if this will get through...Will keep trying...need help.S.O.S ............ ............. ............... ... ... ... ... ............. ........... .......... ! See you soon cru Regards AK ER 43
I 'ave three bags full er wool left from me last 'aircut Cap'n (I 'ad quite a 'aircut when the sou' wind blew us back from berg 40) - I stowed em in da sayl locker in cayse they be needed 'erd ewe lowd an cleer RC errol, standin by wif a lyne in cayse ewe fawl ovabored! 31.78
AR... 33...a breakout indeed...Captain Turk sa put up de sales...common cru bred dem baks we orf to dee N agin....Maggie up de krossness ye go me lass and wach out for 34... still havin control ruom trobel...Mite not be abel to be on bored as mush til i getta de komputa unda kuntrol. Anwaa keep de SS stedy. I tink i no whoo wil get de goldun helmut dis weak! AK ER 43
Wen eee gets t'fiftee shinie Americkee ducats thens they be thar brakeoot o'er tha proffessy... an' desstinnie shallt be yorn... VRS x
Alas, yes, there's many a pirate wearing a trendy bandana over a bald head right now BlackSheep, and with no dry powder in the horn too. Such are the wise and fearless ones the ones who bought knowing that the upside risk was greater than the downside risk. They realized early on that volatility and risk are very different beasties. http://www.bullionbullscanada.com/i...qual-risk&catid=48:gold-commentary&Itemid=131 Avast there shipmates!! Someone's been playing tricks with our flags! Well spotted Maggie! Tell the quartermaster to raise the Silver Standard at once and hurl the imposter into the briny deep! Excellent sailing last night Errol43 - despite your technical difficulties! We have safely passed Berg 33 but there remains much work to be done. Tonight I would like full sails raised on all masts, and our course set for Berg 34, on a compass bearing of 35 degrees. (There's no need for us to stop at Berg 34 there unless we run into a strong headwind or some good folk onboard want to take some final snaps of the monster). If you can navigate us just beyond Berg 34 by sunrise tomorrow then we'll be having waffles with maple syrup for breakfast - in readiness for our assault on Berg 35 on Thursday night. P.S. Someone left a puzzling message pinned to my cabin door last night. It simply read: "Wry Lout Spectacle". Curious! SPOT : USD $33.60
Captain Turk.. we be unly 25 points S of 34...If we see and pass 34 tonight.. we be heden way up N agin. 33.75 it be...Maggie kkep a lkear lookourt for berg 34,,Ye may no remembur de shape as it be melted a bit sinc den.. IT gear up an runnen deer cru,,,post a bit more agin ti nite. AK ER 43
Quite true Errol43. We will certainly pass Berg 34 tonight so I'll tell Cook to get the waffles ready. There's a pretty stiff head wind in the vicinity of Berg 35, but we should get pretty close to it by first sunlight tomorrow - then we might be blown back a few ice cubes or so. There's no need to worry though. If Berg 35 doesn't get taken tonight - then it definitely melts tomorrow. It's only a matter of hours. Either way - it's HISTORY!
i bin lookin fur da Ship SS zilva flag, itz bac agin, i fownd dit hiddeni tink wee got owselves ar rouge pirate. jp morgan bedda wacth owt, planting dere spiez onda ship ss. bee alurt men. i bee inn da croznezt Captain Turk an Kaptun errol43. iz gotta mee vodka ta keep mee haddi, awl i need iz sum muzic. goo norf, goo norf yun man da da da
