JOTD

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was fleeing the scene of the crime.

 

BILL SHORTEN policy details are a bit vague.
But don't you worry.... he has a plan.
Bill was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young
pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any
rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so Bill bought some tiny bells and attached them to
his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a
distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and
fill out his efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

Bill's favorite rooster, Old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this one
morning he noticed that Old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went
to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets,
bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for
cover.

To Bill's amazement, Old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't
ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

Bill was so proud of Old Butch, that he entered him in the County Fair, and
Old Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges. The judges not only awarded Old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly Old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician
could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully in the next election.... you can't always hear the bells.

 

Best excuse by a female employee!

True story....

The head of Human Resources at a very large bank, says that the best excuse for absenteeism that he had ever received in his career of almost 22 years, was from a female Indian employee at their bank's headquarters in Mumbai, India.

He says when the lady, was questioned on why she remained absent the previous day, she simply replied....

"But sir, I had no option. My husband was at home on casual leave yesterday. By mistake, he took pills from the wrong bottle in our medicine cabinet and ended up consuming an over-dose of Viagra! Now tell me Sir, how could I have left him all alone at home with the house-maid?"

 

The wife, the maid, and a bottle Viagra. I may have seen a video or two on that.

 

.

...or the dog-whistles.

 

I have been watching the way this lady lock the safe, it is outside shop houses

the golden chains is plastic, the padlock is as safe as the nuclear control storage door

so far so safe, no one damage it, maybe the surrounding are is full of cameras :lol:

 

Today's riddle for seniors... Here is the situation:

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is a sharp drop-off.
On your left side is an elephant travelling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo.
What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Scroll down










Get off the merry-go-round and go home, you silly old bugger!

 

Or lock the medicine cabinet

 

You mean like this

 

yes spot on

 

ok how to swear in german cause thats face it its really harsh sounding ok guys and dolls this is Not safe for work
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CG-3o-857co

 

News.com.au

Keep stacking people.

 

P.s.
They must be testing that "cashless society" thing.

 

Now for a joke with a punchline.

A 3 months pregnant lady falls into a coma. 6 months later she comes to and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl and they are both fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman:Oh no, not my brother he is an idiot, what did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well that isn't too bad what did he name the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.

 

Source: Spot at home with his former fiancee Rachel.

He probably shouldn't have called her his bitch.


https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-...fe-of-the-human-pups-the-men-who-live-as-dogs

 

http://www.facebook.com/Video4K/videos/1745577529045091/

how did the goat end up there hanging by the horn???

 

You can see the realization on her face now, for why he always liked to do it Doggy Style.. she doesn't look happy to be there at all :lol: