JOTD

I stole my pic from the Australian Fresh Water Turtles forum. There seems to be a forum for everything on the internet

"One" of the fools? How many did it take? That turtle must be heavier or more dangerous than it looks.

EDIT: DOH!!! (Boyou's comment wooshed right past me.)

I googled for "turtle on a post" and there are so many of them...

 

Fess up ,SilverPete...you just don't Get the joke

However your search engines are working well..thanks for the fun

 

Moving on from turtles to koalas...

Here's the "koala expert" pickup fail from How I met Your Mother.







Delivery:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ya4R4LzL4Iw[/youtube]

 

hahahahahaha..... I completely missed it. I'm sure there will be reports of UFOs in Sydney tonight because of the giant wooshing sound as your comment flew straight past me :lol: And then it hit me smack in the face, well played hehehe

 

Well fessed'up amigo!

 

this is what is a salon for :lol: catmeleon & beedle

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5E3hOFNjwo[/youtube]

 

A bloke goes into the doctors, he's not feeling too good. The doctor checks him over and says, "Look, it's bad news I'm afraid, you've got Yellow 24. It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow, you've only got 24 hours to live and there's no known cure"

So he goes home to his wife and tells her the news. To try to cheer him up a bit, she takes him to the bingo with her that evening.

They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins $25.

Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins $350.

Then he gets the full house and wins $1000.

Then the National Game comes up and he wins that too getting $380,000.

The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says, "Well mate, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full-house and the national game on their first card. You must be the luckiest man on Earth"

"Lucky?' he screamed. 'Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24".

"F**k me" says the bingo caller - "You've won the raffle as well!"

 

Grandpa and the Australian Taxation Office

The ATO decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to their office. The ATO auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his lawyer. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the ATO finds that believable.

'I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's lawyer as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own lawyer moans and puts his head in his hands. 'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the lawyer. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

 

DJIA closes at record high - 17265

 

First guy in Perth to get the new oi-Phone 6 in Perth managed to drop right out of the box. Sucked in aye

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lhXOgJ8ahA[/youtube]

 

It's ok, he's an obstetrician.

 

Sperm Donor Tries Really Hard

An 80-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 80-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, Which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing."

"Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing."

"We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing.."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?!"

The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

 

help needed to id these green eggs :lol:



must be the global warming on Sydney Dee Why Beach

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marimo

Popular with aquarists, but not so much with AQIS.

 

.

 

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ktwo-k-onk#t=166[/youtube]

 

mickey mouse's lawyer
im sorry mickey but I cant see how you can divorce Minnie on the grounds of bad teeth

mickey
I didn't say she had bad teeth I said she was ******* goofy

 

How is this a joke?

 

Trainee on the wheels again? Capitans were in the toilets

so there we have them. with all the navigation tools and satellite etc.