JOTD

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.

"That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with a smile.

"Thanks," the girl replied.

The firefighter looked a little closer.

The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little partner," the firefighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

 

So the Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman decide to visit a brothel together. When they get there they find that one of the girls is having a special offer; You can have anything, yes ANYTHING that you want for just five pounds. The only condition is that your request must be three words and three words only.

So the Englishman goes in. His request is "suck-my-d**k" He gets what he wants and, delighted, hands over his money.

The Irishman visits and says "whip-my-a**e". She gives him a good flogging and he pays and goes away happy.

The Scotsman goes in , hands over his fiver and says "paint-my-house"

 

This wasn't funny until I looked at the far right...

 

So I'm minding a little puppy at the moment and her owner told me that when I'm out of the house for a while to leave on Classic FM since puppy finds it good company.

So off to do the shopping and I put his little bed near the sideboard with the big CD player come radio I adjust the sound to give him a lilting lullaby and leave him dozing to the soft sounds of a flute concerto. He looked totally gorgeous.

I come back a few hours later and the programming has changed and the little puppy is cowering in the corner as Wagner's Ring Cycle is almost rattling the windows, as it does. that part just after the Ride of The Valkyries (used so effectively in Apocalypse Now when they attack the village).

Poor puppy must have thought the attack dogs were about to be released.

He's calmed down now but a good lesson on checking the guide and the volume settings for little puppies versus old people ears!

 

^^^
Poor mothering, sending this to the Daily Mail uk

 

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yvhxi0sZZ3g[/youtube]

 

ANGRY BIRD!


[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4Wj0oHcimQ[/youtube]

 

Bless my strange friends on Facebook.

Apparently this is 'twerking'

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CddMD3QqTFs[/youtube]

 

That's one for the weekly Fail Army video!

 

**** SPOILER ALERT ****


























We're all going to die.

/spoiler

 

milk spots moo from Fukushima

 

^^^ Not funny!!

Only bunnies are funny.

van Gogh-235
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqVY9azhH3U[/youtube]

 

The Bedtime Story

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?"

The Princess said, "NO!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after & rode motorcycles & screwed skinny big boobed broads & hunted & raced cars & went to nudie bars & vacationed all around the world & dated women half his age & drank whiskey, beer & tequila & never heard bitching & never paid child support or alimony & screwed cheerleaders & kept his house & never got cheated on while he was at work & bought a big boat & all his friends and family thought he was really cool as hell & he had tons of money in the bank & best of all he left the toilet seat up.

The End

 

Source: Surreality

 

My post was a political Joke, it was not meant to be funny, Abe kept insisting that such beef is safe to eat, while the farmers dare not sell them.

 

Who gives their kid a Kojak ?