Discussion in 'General Precious Metals Discussion' started by DanielM, Apr 30, 2013.
One from 1990s
For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to
take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you DON'T know!!! Now get this. I was sitting at my
desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?"
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude.
I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the
last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong
number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again.
When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jackass!" and
hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in
my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a
really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and the I'd yell,"You're a
jackass!" It would always cheer me up.
Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real
Disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one
day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, Hello." I made
up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company and I'm
just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?"
He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!"
The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if
there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it.
Just dial 823-4863.
[Keep reading, it gets better.]
The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking
space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began
to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up a
little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's
finally leaving. All of a sudden this black Camaro came flying up the
parking sle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started
honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, Buddy. I was here first!"
The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward
the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this guy's a
jackass, there sure a lot of jackasses in this world.
I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote
down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park. A couple of days
later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone
after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're a jackass!" (It's really easy to
call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I noticed the phone
number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought I'd
better call this guy, too. After a couple rings someone answered the phone and
said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's
parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down.
After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. For a while
things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two
jackasses to call. Then after several months of calling
the ackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used
to be I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution.
First, had my phone dial Jackass #1.
A man answered nicely saying, "Hello."
I yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up.
The jackass said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No."
He said, "What's your name, Pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."
He said "Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's parked out
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.
Then I called Jackass #2.
He answered, "Hello."
I said, "Hello, Jackass!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" "I'll kick your butt."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And I hung up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802
West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got
home. Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down 1802
W.34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th
Street to watch the whole thing.
Glorious! If you want to watch two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each
other in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter, just call me, I taped it off the evening news.
(any Witcher fans here? )
Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf.One remarked
how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas
morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly
to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a
priority - figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning."
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are
on the golf course. The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a
fortune! I bought my wife a diamond ring that she can't take her
eyes off of."
The second guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home
planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in
The third guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car,
reading the manual."
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them
like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such
expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the bum and said,
'Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning - golf course or
intercourse?" She said, "Don't forget your hat."
Bron likes his morning JOTD, so here goes.
Separate names with a comma.