JOTD

If you are in Santa’s “naughty boy book” you are not alone

 

Bringing Santa to justice? German boy upset by his Christmas presents so he calls … the police
https://on.rt.com/9l9r

 

Be careful Jules, 'THEY' have a habit of whacking people who disagree with them.
p.s. look under your vehicle before you turn the ignition key. KABOOM.

 

A dog lover, whose female dog came "on heat," was concerned about keeping it and her male separated.


But, she had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.


However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds.


She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage, as frequently happens when dogs mate.


Unable to separate them; perplexed as to what to do next, although it was very late at night, she called her vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.


After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs.


I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw."


"Do you think that will work?" she asked.


"Just worked for me." the vet replied.

 

> ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

> Smart man + smart woman = romance

> Smart man + dumb woman = affair

> Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

> Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

> ______________________________

> OFFICE ARITHMETIC

> Smart boss + smart employee = profit

> Smart boss + dumb employee = production

> Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

> Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

> _____________________________


> SHOPPING MATH

> A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

> A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

> _____________________________

> GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS


> A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.


> A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


> A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.


> A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

> _____________________________

> HAPPINESS

> To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a

> little.

> To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to

> understand her at all.

> ______________________________

> LONGEVITY

> Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot

> more willing to die.

> ______________________________

> PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

> A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

> A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

> _____________________________

> DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

> A woman has the last word in any argument.

> Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

> _____________________________


> HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED


> Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and

> cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started

> doing the same thing to them at funerals.