JOTD

get to read it out loud

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=542581856171821

 

Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the QLD Police.


The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So you wanta be cops, huh?"

The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder.

Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said,


"To be a copper, you have to be able to detect.


You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth."


So he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.


"Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"


The detective shook his head and said,


"Of course he has only one eye in this picture!


It's a side profile of his face!


You're dismissed!"

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde,


stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said,


"What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

"Yes! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed,


Didn't you hear what I just told the last applicant?


This is side picture profile of the man's face!


Of course you can only see one ear!


You're excused too!"

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but....."


He flashed the photo for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying,


"All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual features about this man?"


The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."


The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.


He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said,


"You're absolutely right!


His bio says he wears contacts!


How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Hellooooooooo!

With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can’t wear glasses.

 

So my son asked, “Why is England called a Kingdom?, I replied that it was because it was ruled by a King. His reply was, “Oh, so that must be why Australia is a Country...”. I cut him off just there. Boom boom

 

Same reason the National Party, otherwise known as the Nats, changed their name from the Country Party...or so I understand.

 

Michael Vines is federally prohibited from possessing a firearm, but it didn’t stop Vines from allegedly tossing a fully-loaded S&W .38-caliber revolver into the grass after a recent car wreck near the intersection of Green Avenue and Guess Street.

Alert City of Greenville firefighters witnessed this and reported it to GPD officers who recovered a gun from the location.

Vines has been charged with driving under a suspended license, driving too fast for conditions and unlawful carrying of a firearm. The real weapon was placed in property and evidence.
​

Mike is a few magazines short of a Waiting Room.

Don't be like Mike.

 

The fact that there is a Highway to Hell, but only a Stairway to Heaven, says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.

 

The 6th grade science teacher,

Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders

a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"

With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its

size when stimulated?"

Little Mary's mouth fell open, then she said to those around her,

"Boy, is she going to get into big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class,

"Anybody?"

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said,"The body part that increases 10

times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Little Mary and continued,

"As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:

One, you have a dirty little mind!!!

Two, you didn't read your homework!!!

and

Three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed!!!"

 

best joke post ever!