JOTD

there is always a back up stacks, they are endless...
since every time you back up your truck and hand over fist buying at the bottom, the pricedrop and you meet your other stack and do the lady display



when the seller stacker meet you up again and ever wonder, your forehead always has a

 

1. The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.

2. The sinking of the Titanic must have been a miracle to the lobsters in the kitchen.

3. X88B88 looks like the word "voodoo" reflecting off of itself.

4. April Fools Day is the one day of the year that people critically evaluate news articles before accepting them as true.

5. Now that cellphones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again.

6. Websites should post their password requirements on their login pages so I can remember WTF I needed to do to my normal password to make it work on their site.

7. Maybe 'Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?' isn't a show that displays how stupid grown adults can be, but rather, a show that depicts how much useless information we teach grade schoolers that won't be retained or applicable later in life.

8. When Sweden is playing Denmark, it is SWE-DEN.

9. "Go to bed, you'll feel better in the morning" is the human version of "Did you turn it off and turn it back on again?"

10. In the future, imagine how many Go-Pros will be found in snow mountains containing the last moments of people's lives.

11. Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating.

12. The person who proof read Hitler's speeches was literally a grammar Nazi.

 

Yesterday I had an appointment to see the Urologist for a Prostate exam, Of course I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted.

The waiting room was filled with patients.

As I approached the receptionist's desk, I noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler, I gave her my name, in a very loud voice, the receptionist said "Yes, I have your name here; you want to see the Doctor about impotence, right?"

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me, a now very embarrassed man. But as usual, I recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied "No, I've come to inquire about a Sex Change Operation, but I don't want the same doctor that did yours".

 

Save money by purchasing your appliances from Amazon US. Don't forget your nail clipper adaptors!


Source: http://www.domain.com.au/news/13-household-fixes-gone-terribly-wrong-20160318-gndd72/

 

My wife and I hosted a dinner party for all our friends, some of whom we hadn't seen for ages. We encouraged everyone to bring their children along as well.
All throughout dinner my wife's best friend's four-year-old daughter stared at me as I sat opposite her.
The girl could hardly eat her food for staring. I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, and patted my hair in place, but nothing stopped her staring at me?
Finally I asked her, "Why are you staring at me?"
Everyone at the table had noticed her behaviour and the table went quiet, waiting for her response.
The little girl said, "I'm just waiting to see how you drink like a fish."

 

Sad Affleck

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwXfv25xJUw[/youtube]

 

Tech Support in Marriage

The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship with her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply which was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious and genius!
The query:

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate.

The response that came weeks later out of the blue:

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta version. Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.

In addition, please, do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Lavish Praise 5.0

Good Luck!'

 

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYVrp_GsinE[/youtube]

 

Source: Too True

 

Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the Adelaide River.
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said,
'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me.
We're the same age, we were the same size as kids - I just don't get it.'
'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'
'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.
'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'
'On the other side of the river near the car park in Darwin.'
'Same here. Hmm.....How do you catch them?' asked the big Croc.
'Well, I crawl up under one of their big Lexus, BMW or Mercedes cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat 'em!'
'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment.
See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Politician,
there's nothing much left but an arsehole with a briefcase

 

looks like the car is speeding and involved in the dollar not for circulation thing

 

https://www.facebook.com/absurdabilia/videos/1003878843039769/

 

Source: Errors in judgement?

 

The End walked into a brothel and the Madam greets him with
"$50 for a handjob, $100 for a headjob and $150 for a blowjob"
The End replies "Thats great but have you got anything without a job?"

 

Saturday night in sorted

 

never seen a guy walk backward with his butt