JOTD

I was due later in the week for an appointment with the gynecologist!
Early one morning I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30 a.m. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 a.m.

The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in "that area" to make sure I was at least presentable.

I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room only a few minutes when I was called into the doctor's office. Knowing the procedure, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.

I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" but I didn't respond. When the appointment was over, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home.

The rest of the day was normal...some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc.

After school when my six-year-old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mum, where's my washcloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink. It had all my glitter and sparkles in it."

 

Sounds like my friend the retired gynaecologist, likes to keep his hand in.

 

just the one? :lol:

 

Comedian Nick Griffin
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_U1zXJfrWY[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1y56ZOMrno[/youtube]

 

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RJgRpSbQtY[/youtube]

 

A while ago a new supermarket opened in Sydney.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mowed hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.

I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

 

Australia wireless 250 years ago.

After having dug to a depth of ten feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the British, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times said: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British".

One week later, Australia 's Northern Territory Times reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Tennant Creek , Northern Territory, Knackers Johnson, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely bugger-all nothing. Knackers has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already gone wireless."

 

It was a sweltering August day in 1937 when the 3 Cohen brothers entered the posh Dearborn, Michigan, offices of Henry Ford, the car maker.

"Mr. Ford", announced Norman Cohen, the eldest of the three. "We have a remarkable invention that will revolutionize the automobile industry."

Ford looked skeptical, but their threat to offer it to the competition kept his interest piqued. "We would like to demonstrate it to you in person", said Norman.

After a little cajoling, they brought Mr. Ford outside and asked him to enter a black automobile parked in front of the building. Hyman Cohen, the middle brother, opened the door of the car. "Please step inside, Mr. Ford."

"What!" shouted the tycoon, "Are you crazy? It's over a hundred degrees in that car!"

"It is", smiled the youngest brother, Max.; but sit down Mr. Ford, and push the white button.

Intrigued, Ford pushed the button. All of a sudden a whoosh of freezing air started blowing from vents all around the car, and within seconds the automobile was not only comfortable, it was quite cool.

"This is amazing!" exclaimed Ford. "How much do you want for the patent?'

One of the brothers spoke up: "The price is One Million Dollars." Then he paused.

"And there is something else. The name 'Cohen Brothers Air Conditioning' must be stamped right next to the Ford logo on the dash board!"

"Money is no problem," retorted Ford," but there is no way I will have a Jewish name next to my logo on my cars!"

They haggled back and forth for a while and finally they settled. Five Million Dollars, and the Cohens' name would be left off. However, the first names of the Cohen brothers would be forever emblazoned upon the console of every Ford air conditioning system.

And that is why even today, whenever you enter a Ford vehicle, you see those three names clearly printed on the air conditioning control panel.NORM, HI and MAX

 

Henry Ford is very worthwhile researching for his vast and strategic and strange thoughts.

That period of time in the USA was very eventful and entertaining.

Enjoy the knowledge that you find on him and the time that he reigned.

And then come back to SS ans shzre some insights you have gleaned.

 

I was doing some research on a book
http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/2012/01/book-review-the-extraordinary-life-of-josef-ganz-the-jewish-engineer-behind-hitler's-volkswagen/
So I stole that bit
I think his story is more interesting than Henry Ford
I've sucked in heaps of info on him over the years

 

Satnav in & on Auto

I have a little Satnav, It sits there in my car.

A Satnav is a driver's friend, it tells you where you are.

I have a little Satnav, I've had it all my life.

It's better than the normal ones, my Satnav is my wife.

It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive

"It's sixty k's an hour", it says, "You're doing sixty five".

It tells me when to stop and start, and when to use the brake

And tells me that it's never ever, safe to overtake.

It tells me when a light is red, and when it goes to green

It seems to know instinctively, just when to intervene.

It lists the vehicles just in front, and all those to the rear

And taking this into account, it specifies my gear.

I'm sure no other driver, has so helpful a device

For when we leave and lock the car, it still gives its advice.

It fills me up with counselling, each journey's pretty fraught

So why don't I exchange it, and get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, makes sure I'm properly fed

It washes all my shirts and things, and keeps me warm in bed!

Despite all these advantages, and my tendency to scoff,

I only wish that now and then, I could turn the bugger off.

 

IN the Beginning. God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel,
found him, resting on the seventh

He inquired, --- "Where have you been?"

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
---- "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, ---- "What is it?"

"It's a planet," --- replied God, --- and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test 'Balance.'"

"Balance?" --- inquired Michael, ---- "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.
"For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people.
Balance in all things..."

God continued pointing to different countries. --- "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, --- "What's that one?"

"That's Brisbane , the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful trees and gardens, a beautiful river, and days filled with sunshine. The people from Brisbane are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world.
They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, --- "But what about balance, God? You said there would be 'balance.'"

God smiled, --- "I will create Canberra
Wait till you see the idiots I'll put there."...............

 

Victor Borge - Hands Off
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JQwvfNLfFU[/youtube]

 

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.

A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausages?"
The assistant asks, "Are you Irish?"

The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am, but let me ask you something...

If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?

Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?"

The assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't."

The guy says, "Well then, just because I asked for Irish sausage, why
did you ask me if I'm Irish?"


The assistant replied, "Because you're in Bunnings."

 

"ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY".
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And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel!!!

 

A Stable?

When my kids were little, I read them the nativity story out of the big family Bible.

When my son was old enough to talk, he asked me what a stable was.

I thought for a moment how to explain it to him in terms he could understand, then told him,

"It's something like your sister's room -- but no stereo or computer."