JOTD

When the best thing in womens sports is a man!

 

So let's get this straight:

There are 20 twips to a point, 6 points to a poppyseed, 4 poppyseeds to a barleycorn, 3 barleycorns to an inch, 3 inches to a palm, 3 palms to a span, 2 spans to a cubit, 2 cubits to a yard, 2 yards to a fathom, 11 fathoms to a chain, 10 chains to a furlong, 8 furlongs to a mile, and 3 miles to a league.

What could be simpler?

Just remember the old mnemonic:
"The people put both items perfectly so curious yaks feel completely free most likely."

 

Subject: A day at the Flemington races

Two female teachers took a group of students from grades 1, 2 and 3 for a field trip to Flemington Racecourse.
When it was time to take the children to the 'bathroom', it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the little boys with their pants and began hoisting them up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes and shake them dry.
As she lifted one boy up, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed.

Trying not to show that she was staring at his equipment the teacher said, 'You must be in Grade 3?'
'No ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Black Caviar in the next race, but
I really appreciate your help.’

 

Seen in a "Dear Abby" column.
"Dear Abby, I am a 20 year old girl who met and fell for a man while backpacking through Nth Queensland. My boyfriend has had a rather checkered life having been convicted numerous times for break and enter and served time. He has battled addictions for various substance abuse issues, has been a longterm member of an outlaw motorcycle group and is heavily tattoo’d. I intend introducing him to my father, an Anglican Minister, and my mother who is the local Chairwoman of the CWA. I understand that it can be really difficult and very confronting when having to share disturbing news of a person's past to my loved ones. But I could really do with your advice. Should I tell my boyfriend that my Mum and Dad are Collingwood supporters???
Your's Sincerely, Mary Smith

 

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers, and then there are educators...