JOTD

A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!" Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want... On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?!"

The rancher kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his chores. Moments later the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the ranchers big Santa Gertrudis Bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs......

"YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!"

 

try this one, must be a fake :lol:

 

Whatever happened to "pics or it's not real?"

 

Careful what you wish for

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

 

The Basically F@#ked Card

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fo82SIEqxA4[/youtube]

 

Source: Probably Real

 

love this one :lol: now that jammed it up their asses didn't he

 

A blonde gets on her mobile phone to report that her car has been broken into.

She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher:

"They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.

The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in.

"Disregard." He says.

"She got in the back-seat by mistake."

 

China has denounced charges brought by the US against five army officers accused of economic cyber-espionage.

Beijing said it had "never engaged or participated" in cyber theft :lol: :lol: :lol:

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-27477601

 

How to get rid of your student loan debt fast?

Hire a Chilean Activist

here is the poof http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-...tudent-loan-docs-protest-against-debt-serfdom tada

 

Source: Reality

 

Below, is an actual letter (they say) sent to a bank by an 86-year-old woman.

Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH.
#1. To make an appointment to see me.
#2. To query a missing payment.
#3. To reach my living room in case I am there.
#4 To reach my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
#5. To reach my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
#6. To reach my mobile phone if I am not at home.
#7. To leave a message on my computer. A password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7 again.
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

And remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.

 

Ah Tony

 

Spurious Correlations.

http://www.tylervigen.com/

 

Lookin' good there Joe

 

That cartoon would far more accurately portray Bill Shorten and the CFMEU. The Labor Party is owned and operated by big business for their own benefit - The big unions ARE big business.

 

:lol: