JOTD

A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in."
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass.

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you... You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for my self."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"

"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world complete with servants," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"

You know I love you, sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for you!"


So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.



"No Kidding," he said. "Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?"

 

HER DIARY

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all
day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked
him what was wrong.

He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he
didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.

About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was
distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts
are with someone else. My life is a disaster.


HIS DIARY

Harley wouldn't start today, can't figure out why. Got laid though.

 

Michael and Barry got married in California.

They couldn't afford a honeymoon so they go back to Michael's Mom and Dad's house

in Corner Brook for their first married night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Michael's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Michael and Barry are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Michael and Barry up
yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school '

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
'Are Michael and Barry up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'OK, now tell me what you think.'


He says: 'Last night Michael came to my room for the Vaseline and I think. . . . . . I gave him my airplane glue.'

 

A man buys a lie detector robot who slaps people when they lie and tries it at dinner.Where were you today Son? Son says i was at school dad.The robot slaps the son. The son says ok i was at a friends watching a dvd.The dad asks what dvd?The son Toy Story. Robot slaps the son again. The son says ok it was a porno. Dad: When i was your age i didn't know what porn was.The robot slaps the dad.The mum laughs haha. Mum says he's definitely your son.The robot slaps the mum.Moral of the story don't lie.

 

Chainsaw safety always requires gloves and goggles. Unfortunately, a brain is also a requisite.

 

There's a lake in the woods and a fly is flying over the water. There's a fish in the water, and he thinks, if the fly drops two inches, I can jump out of the water and eat the fly.

There's also a bear beside the river and he thinks, if that fly drops two inches, the fish will jump out of the water, and I can eat the fish.

There's a hunter in the woods and he thinks, if that fly drops two inches, the fish will jump out the water, the bear will go after the fish, and I can shoot the bear.

There's a mouse behind the hunter, and he thinks, if that fly drops two inches, the fish will jump out the water, the bear will go after the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, and the recoil from the hunter's gun will make the ham and cheese sandwich fall out of his pocket.

There's a cat watching the mouse, and he thinks, if that fly drops two inches, the fish will jump out the water, the bear will go after the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, the recoil from the hunter's gun will make the ham and cheese sandwich fall out of his pocket, and I can eat the mouse.

So this is what happens: the fly drops two inches, the fish jumps for the fly, the bear goes after the fish, the hunter shoots the bear, the recoil from the hunter's gun knocks the ham and cheese sandwich out of his pocket, the mouse goes after the sandwich, the cat goes after the mouse, slips, and falls into the water.

The moral of the story? It takes a lot of foreplay to get a pussy wet.

 

Thank you. There are now 600 posts in this thread.

 

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKOaF7esBFY[/youtube]

 

Drawing eyebrows on babies. So easy and so amusing







And my favorite



http://www.dontpokthebear.com/drawing-eyebrows-babies-will-disappoint/

 

US$400... I am so getting one!

 

I will get a fleet of them.

AWESOME looking fun.

 

Maybe we could get a group buy?

 

http://www.razor.com.au/shop/Crazy-Cart.html

$599

Max rider weight 63 kilos.

 

Agro Bloopers

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WM-htozaSQ0[/youtube]

 

http://www.golfboard.com/

nstead of the go kart, how about this for getting around?

 

Came across this... hard to share.

 

^^^actually downloaded Zardoz a few days ago... Not sure I actually want to watch it :/