JOTD

Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a check-up, only to find out that she's pregnant.
She is furious...
Here she is –- in the middle of dealing with this Libyan mess -- now this has happened to her!
She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming:
"You bastard! How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you? I can't believe this! I've just found out I'm five weeks pregnant and it's all your fault!..............Well, what have you got to say?"
There is nothing but dead silence on the phone.
She screams again, "Did you hear me?"
Finally, she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice, in a barely audible whisper:

“Who’s speaking?”

 

is this a dream world to you?

 

Incredible!

A Tibetan monk has been discovered in the mountains of Nepal. He is considered the oldest person in the world at 201 years old.

He is in a state of deep trance or meditation called "takatet".

When he was first discovered in a mountain cave they thought he was a mummy.

However scientists examining what they thought was a mummy discovered that he had vital signs and was alive!

Among his things, they found a piece of paper that said, "Stop believing all the bullshit you read on Facebook"

 

From The Rolls Royce Staff Magazine

Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum velocity.
The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the Windshields of their new high speed trains.
Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the American engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin like an arrow shot from a bow.
The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions.

Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo:
"Defrost the chicken."

 

Safety First!