JOTD

Eddie McGuire flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play Aussie Rules and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Collingwood.

He is signed to a one-year contract and the kid joins the team for the pre-season.

Two weeks later the magpies are down by 6 goals to Carlton with only 10 minutes left

The coach gives the young Iraqi the nod and he goes in. The kid is a sensation - kicks 7 goals in 10 minutes and wins the game for the Pies!

The fans are thrilled, the players and coaches are delighted, and the media are in love with the new star.

When the player comes off the ground he phones his mum to tell her about his first day of AFL.

'Hello mum, guess what?' he says. 'I played for 10 minutes today, we were 6 goals down, but I kicked 7 goals and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media...

'Wonderful,' says his mum, 'Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed,

your sister and I were ambushed, beaten, and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and

all while you were having such great time.'

The young Iraqi is very upset. 'What can I say mum, I'm so sorry.'

'Sorry? You're sorry?' says his mum, 'It's your fault we moved to Collingwood in the first place!'

 

A "Beta" living in the "Alpha" world.

 

*A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.*
The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4.
I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".
The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.
The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.
*Principal:* What is 3+3?
*Boy:* 6.
*Principal:* 6+6.
*Boy:* 12.
The boy got all the questions right.
The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately.
The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.
*Madam:* What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?
*Boy:* Legs.
*Madam:* What is in your trousers that I don't have?
*Boy:* Pockets.
*Madam:* What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
*Boy:* Coconut.
*Madam:* What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?
The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge
*Boy:* Bubble gum.
*Madam:* You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.
*Boy:* Tent.
*The principal was looking restless*
*Madam:* A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.
*Boy:* Wedding ring.
*Madam:* I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?
*Boy:* Nose.
*Madam:* I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.
*Boy:* Arrow.
*Principal:* O MY GOD.
*Madam:* What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?
*Boy:* Fork.
*Madam:* What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?
*Boy:* Surname.
*Principal:* Ohooo !
*Madam:* What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?
*Boy:* Heart.
*Principal:* Eeeeeh ! The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam,
"Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"

 

Welcome to the classy world of social media....

 

another atm user

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=2469015536482232

 

Here is my Joke of the day posted on another thread, by a seller of grams of silver @ $4.50 per gram.

 

Sad isn't it? For our kids and the society they will live in.

 

Thus it ever was. Life is just scenery for some people.

 

machine hazard