JOTD

hope all are well..............

 

Canadian Jiggs McDonald, NHL Hall of Fame broadcaster, speaking in Ontario, says: "I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in Toronto."
"I think it should be the goal of every Canadian to be tolerant, regardless of their religious beliefs. Thus, the mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance."

"That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque; thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque. We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, The Turban Cowboy, and the other, a topless bar, would be called You Mecca Me Hot."

"Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbecue pork restaurant, called Iraq of Ribs."

Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret", with sexy mannequins in the window modelling the goods, and on the other side, a liquor store called Morehammered."

All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us.
Yes, we should promote tolerance, and you can do your part by passing this on. And if you are not laughing or smiling at this point, it is either past your bedtime, or it's midnight at the oasis and time to put your camel to bed.

 

While installing a new door, I found that one of the hinges was missing.

So, I asked my wife Mary if she would go to Bunnings and pick up a hinge & Mary agreed to go.

While she was waiting for the Manager to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bath tap & outlet combination. When the Manager was finished, Mary asked him, "How much is that tap & outlet ?"

The Manager replied, "That's a genuine gold, and around $5,000".
Mary exclaimed, "My goodness, that's an expensive - certainly out of my price range."

She then proceeded to describe the hinge that I had sent her to buy.

The Manager said that he had them in stock and it was $3.49, then he went into the backroom to get one.

From the backroom the Manager yelled. "Ma'am, you wanna screw for the hinge?"

Mary shouted back, "No, but I will for the tap."

This is why you just can't send a woman to Bunnings

 

A Kiwi and an Australian go to a pastry shop.

The Kiwi whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed.
The baker doesn’t notice.

The Kiwi says to the Australian:
"You see how clever we are? You’ll never beat that!"

The Australian says to the Kiwi:
"Watch this, an Australian is always cleverer than a Kiwi."

He says to the baker,
"Give me a cookie, I can show you a magic trick!"

The baker gives him the cookie which the Australian promptly eats.
Then he says to the baker:
"Give me another cookie for my magic trick."
The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him.
He eats this one too.
Then he says again:
"Give me one more cookie..."
The baker is getting angry now but gives him one anyway.

The Australian eats this one too.

Now the baker is really mad, and he yells:
"And where is your famous magic trick?"

The Australian says:
"Look in the Kiwi’s pocket!"

 

bird of paradise in roll, NFS

 

There are 3 dogs American,Polish and Russian with the later two visiting America.

The American dog says you bark until someone gives you some meat.

The Polish dog say what is meat

The Russian dog say what is bark

Ronald Reagan

 

We had gay burglars the other night.They broke in and rearranged the furniture

Robin Williams (R.I.P)

 

lucky the nail polish collection is not missing

 

Sorry about the language, I don't know how to remove them from the pics

 

This looks like the place for this JOTD (Labor) - Alan Jones.

 

@Aurora et luna "Sorry about the language, I don't know how to remove them from the pics".
Put the picture into the PAINT program, select Home, select the eraser (as in this jpeg), then use that, save it as a jpeg on your desktop & then import it into your comment.

 

After landing my new job as a Bunnings “Greeter” – a goodfind for many retirees, I lasted less than a day . . . . .

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting Bogan babe walked into the store with her two kids,yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly,
“Good morning and welcome to Bunnings.”

I then said,”Nice children you have there. Are they twins?”

The woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
“No, they ain’t effin twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other one’s 7, why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or just effin stupid?”

I replied, “I’m neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn’t believe someone shagged you twice…. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Bunnings.”

My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.