JOTD

Betoota Advocate

Three Months On And They’re Both Still Talking About Cryptocurrency


ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

“To understand cryptocurrency, you have to first understand what normal currencies are,” said Tom Leary to his partner-of-sixteen-years, Daphne Wallace.

“Before currencies existed, you had individuals trading and bartering their services with other individuals. Do you follow?”

Daphne wasn’t following.

They were driving to Sunday brunch at Carmichael Brock’s Betoota Grove home in their leased-but-late-model Volkswagon Golf with the airconditioning on and the windows down.

She cast her mind back to mid-July, when Tom would try to talk to her about the football and who was looking like a ‘September team’ and who wasn’t. For the 3am alarms Tom set so he could get up early to watch the cricket abroad.

All of those seemingly vapid and self-absorbed sports-based rantings that Tom did back then – she’d die to hear them now.

Because all that Tom and his close friends are capable of talking about now are blockchains, hash rates, public/private keys and smart contracts.

“You probably wouldn’t understand, it takes a lot to get into,” said Tom despite Daphne’s job which involves auditing businesses and collecting and interpreting financial data.

“I’ll try to teach you as much as I can but you’ll have to really do some reading.”

Arriving at the brunch, Tom retrieved his stylish sun hat from the Volkswagen’s practical rear parcel shelf and placed it on his head, checking the fit in the rear vision mirror while Daphne stared blankly ahead.

Walking into the flowing six-bedder overlooking town to the west, Tom and Daphne quickly said hello to their hosts, Alex and Carmichael, before separating off to opposite sides of the room.

“Has Tom stopped talking about cryptocurrency yet?” asked Alex.

Daphne smiled and cracked her bottle of warm clean skin riesling and sat down.

“No. Not yet. Has Carmichael?” she said.

“No. Not yet.”

 

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a considerable amount of whisky at a local pub.

As he staggered down the road, he felt quite sleepy and decided to take a nap, with his back against a tree.

As he slept, two young lasses walked down the road and heard the Scotsman snoring loudly. They saw him, and one said, "I've always wondered

what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."

She boldly walked over to the sleeping man, raised his kilt, and saw what nature had provided him at his birth.

Her friend said, "Well, he has solved a great mystery for us, now! He must be rewarded!" So, she took a blue ribbon from her hair,

and gently tied it around what nature had provided the Scotsman, and the two lasses walked away.

Several minutes later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature, and walked around to the other side of the tree to relieve himself.

He raised his kilt...and saw where the blue ribbon was tied. After several moments of bewilderment, the Scotsman said...

"I dinna know where y'been laddie...but it's nice ta'know y'won first prize!"

 

1 please in mint condition

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1855334931444061

 

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A fish.

 

TOO DAM FUNNY ...!!!

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter, you won’t stop once you start.


State of Pennsylvania 's letter to Mr. DeVries:

SUBJECT: DEQ ... File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations.. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2010.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.


Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

Re: DEQ File
No.. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 11/17/09 has been handed to me. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania .

A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and maintaining two wood 'debris' dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of nature’s building materials 'debris.'

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) Do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. (Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)

I have several dam concerns. My first dam concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.

The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.

If you want the dammed stream 'restored' to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2010? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice by then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your dam step! The bears are not careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU,
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

 

A group of young businessmen were chatting at the bar, and decides to share
his recent embarrassment with the others. He tells them that he was
booking a plane ticket to Pittsburgh, but he was so preoccupied with the
beautiful breasts of the girl at the counter, that instead of saying "I'd like a ticket to
Pittsburgh", he said, "I'd like a picket to Titsburg!" An older guy
nearby hears the story and says, "You know, I had a similar experience with
my wife this morning. We were sitting at the breakfast table and I meant to say, "Darling, could you
please pass the butter" ..... but what actually came out was,
"you ruined my life you evil cunt!"

 

how does the gull knew, he is stealing the inventory, the report is submitted by the auditor

 

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1477850472295868

 

one i heard last night, (yes, the jokes have started already)

two lesbians get married after years of waiting for the law to allow it. later they divorce. the court discovers it's impossible to award both women 75% of everything.

 

looks like otters watching in the airport

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10155505544859017

 

A rabbi, a swami, and a politician went hiking. Night fell and they were exhausted. The hotel on the map was nowhere to be seen.

They knocked on the door of a farm and asked if they could spend the night.

The farmer said, "Of course, but I only have a small room with two beds. One of you will have to sleep in the barn."

The swami said, “I need no material comforts. I will gladly take the barn."

The rabbi and the politician were settling in when they heard a knock on the door. They opened it to find the swami standing there.

"So sorry, my friends, but there is a cow in the barn, and I cannot sleep beside such a holy animal."

The rabbi said, "No problem, my brother. I'll take the barn.

The swami and the politician were settling in when they heard a knock on the door. They opened it to find the rabbi standing there.

"So sorry, my friends, but there's a pig in the barn, and I can't sleep beside such a filthy animal."

The politician said, "OK, let it be remembered that I sacrificed my comfort for the greater good."

The rabbi and the swami were settling in when they heard a knock on the door. They opened it to find the pig and the cow standing there.

 

I see people selling snakes in a box, not sure there will be people selling their cats too
they don't want to accept any spots
I tell them, tomorrow I will accept their dogs spots free !!!
over there, there are panda heads for sale as well, not sure what they did to the bodies
Panda Heads, they too also come in a box, so... in the end who ended up with the boxes
the cats will steal the boxes, I will post them out too.