JOTD

^ this message is really useful, you can use it again

 

Yep I turned my laptop upside down and laughed,it was worth the effort

 

Good joke!

I remember Bush junior was caught reading a book upside down in a kids school during 911.

 

GOA RADIO ORGANISED
COMPETITION FOR POEMS, IN WHICH
THE FIRST LINE MUST BE ROMANTIC,
BUT THE SECOND LINE SHOULD BE THE OPPOSITE.
This was the winning entry sent by Joao Caitan :
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you messed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming,
That's why I always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
I love your smile, your face and your eyes,
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My feelings for you, no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'
What inspired this amazing rhyme?
A bottle of Feni, little Salt n Lime !
*Award winning poem*

 

[/QUOTE]

I cannot delete this clicking on the quote instead of the like "button" so it is funny I will try to be more careful in the future

 

So funny and so Aussie.

Goes from "Hi Skip to f%$k off" real quick. PMSL

 

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=392589188185107

 

Yesterday I was at my local supermarket buying a large pack of Pedigree dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog?
What did she think I had? An elephant??
So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, that I was starting the Pedigree Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 20 kilos before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Pedigree nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I stepped off the pavement to sniff a Labrador's arse and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack ....because he was laughing so hard.
I'm now banned from entering my supermarket!

 

An oldie but a goodie.

 

A new Priest Michael begins his first day out of the priesthood and Father Paddy decided to put him into the confessional box. He explained “It’s very easy, someone will come in, confess their sins and you just look up their sins in Pell’s Book of Sins and give out the correct penance. I'll be around if you have a problem” The new priest felt relieved by this and entered the confessional box. He waited a while, then a teenage boy entered and said “Forgive me father, I have sinned’ “Okay, what have you done?” “I have stolen $20 out of my dad’s wallet” Priest Michael looks up S for Stealing in Father Murphy’s book of sins and says, “Okay son, you must say 30 Hail Mary’s and God will forgive you” “Thank you Father” “God bless you son” and he left. Then a second man enters and says “Forgive me father, I have sinned” Priest Michael says "Okay, what have you done?” the man says ‘I have committed adultery” then Priest Michael looks up A for adultery and says “Okay, say 100 Hail Mary’s and God will forgive you” “Thank you Father” “God bless you son” and he left. Then the third man arrived and said, “Forgive me Father, I have sinned” “Okay, what have you done? “I've had oral sex with another man” “Okay” and he goes to Cardinal Pell's book under O for Oral, but nothing was there. He apologised saying “I'm sorry, this is my first day, can you wait here and I will find out? and Priest Michael hailed the first Priest he could find and explained that he could not find O for Oral Sex and asked “What does Cardinal Pell normally give for Oral sex?” The Priest replied, usually a Snickers Bar and a can of Coke”

 

preparing for Saturday/Sunday

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=641225159663885

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bu8JamWHIg4/